Marana tha...Marana tha!!

"Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end".  -Be still My Soul hymn

"In the last book of The Lord of the Rings, Sam Gamgee wakes up, thinking everything is lost and discovering instead that all his friends were around him, he cries out:  "Gandalf!  I thought you were dead!  But then I thought I was dead!  Is everything sad going to come untrue?""  -Tim Keller

Heart...Breaking.   Gut…Wrenching.   Nau…seating.  Soul…Crushing.  

We are all writhing with grief in the aftermath of last week’s horrific and senseless tragedy.  It is beyond comprehension.  In the past few years, I have stopped trying to make sense of what God is doing in all the wreckage.  Why God allows these types of things to happen and speculating on what good is going to come out of it.  Because I simply do not have answers.  My level of understanding and wisdom are small and finite compared to the ultimate wisdom and knowledge of an eternal God.  This is the only consolation I have when considering such a horrendous event.  

He made those babies and He made the gunman.   He had the power to stop the horror.  He kept every other elementary school including the one my kids go to safe that day.  I know more today than I did last week that the lives of my kids are in His hands.  And the reality of loss and brokenness and grief and horror that exist thick in the world are brought to the forefront of all.  There is the problem of evil, and then there’s the much bigger problem of good.  It is bursting forth from all over the world and pouring vast into that little community.  Our love, our prayers, our desire to carry the burden of those grieving souls.  To honor the hero’s and the fallen and celebrate the beautiful gifts of life that touched so many.  We are crushed, but not destroyed.  

The Grinch.  A story about an evil wicked raging beast who wanted to destroy the joy of the little town he lived above.  And so he picked the most pronounced joy day of the year, Christmas, to carry out his scheme.  And so in the story of course he thinks that the source of joy of the little Who’s is their stuff.  He methodically hatches a plan to take it all away.  Because darkness hates light.  But the Who’s did not wake up in mourning, they began singing and celebrating, because the joy of Christmas was about something much, much more.  And our Light is a baby in a manger that came to rescue His lost children and restore the devastation of sin, wiping it out completely.  To save and heal and restore. 

Evil cannot kill Living Hope.  The first response of so many of the people of Connecticut and the family members who I have seen speak out, is prayer, hope, and faith.  Singing “Amazing Grace” by candlelight in the cold black night hugging and weeping and praising His name.  We all sit in front of our TV’s watching the reaction of the wounded.  Waiting to hear the names of the lost.  To see their faces.  To know who they were.  Grieving with them as we hear their heartbreak and come to know their sweet babies.  We all know that this act was wrong.  It shouldn’t have happened.  Something’s broken.  It wasn’t supposed to be this way.  Why do we know this?  Because it is a truth that we are born with.   A distant memory of the days where it was not so.  Before the fall and the fracture of creation.  And creation knows it too.  “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.”  -Romans 8:22  

We live in a cursed world.  But it will not always be so.  “No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.” – Revelation 22:3.  One day, all will be restored.  It will all come untrue.  That is what Christ came for.  To pay for our sins and break the curse of death so that we might live with Him forever.  And so we live in the place of the now and the not yet.  Praying the prayer of Marana tha…”Come, Lord Jesus, Come!”  

And in the place of dark heavy shredded hearts, He is close…  

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” –Psalm 34:18

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  -Psalm 147:3

“For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.”  -Job 5:18

“He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.”  -Psalm 107:20

“The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.”  -Isaiah 30:26

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners”  -Isaiah 61:1

I am uncomfortably going to share an experience that happened to me this weekend during our church service.  I have not shared this with many.  It is something that has NEVER happened to me before.  Something that I have heard people say they have experienced in which I have either totally written them off as overzealous or hyper spiritual…possibly delusional.  There are some that I have thought authentic, but was cautious to really accepting the reality of their story.  It just seemed too taboo.  And my biggest caution in sharing this is the outlook that I'm making something about me that is ABSOLUTELY NOT ABOUT ME.  I simply am sharing...something I don't even understand...at all...

Our church closes out the services with singing.  After listening to the sermon where Matt addressed the tragedy and the hope of Christ and we had prayed as a congregation for the healing and comfort of all those directly affected by this tragedy, we started to sing.  And the last song we sang was “You Bring Restoration” listen to song here.  This song has such a deep meaning and memory for me.  When we were in the thick of our life coming apart and the weight of what was to come was heavy and overwhelming, this song was played at an evening service.  I looked over as my husband crumbled to his seat, shoulders shaking and tears falling hard.  Many of our friends were around and laid their hands upon him, some with bowed heads, some comforting his pain.  I remember it so well because not often do I see him let his wounds bleed.  I was both crushed by his sorrow, but also amazed and joyful that the words and truth of the song had penetrated his heart.  

You bring restoration
You bring restoration
You bring restoration
to my soul

You've taken my pain
called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
and in its place, You give me joy

You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take weeping and turn it into laughing
You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy

hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new

This was the last song we sang Sunday morning.  As we were singing this song, I closed my eyes and claimed these truths in my heart while praising my God.  And then…I saw the silhouette of a line of mountains as if they were shadows.  And beyond them I could see another mountain, but I could only see the base of it as it climbed into the sky.  I knew that I was looking into a different country.  There was a warm glowing beautiful bright mist that hovered. The slope had soft green and yellow hues of tall grass flowing.  I saw children.  They were running and laughing and playing.  There was no pain or sadness where they were.  They were being watched over by the Lord as He sat close to their fearless fun.  And though I could not see His face, I knew that He was smiling and laughing and enjoying His children.  I was watching the children that lost their lives on Friday.   I could not see the details of most of their faces.  But they were around 6ish and there were about 20 of them.  There was only one little girl that stood out more because she wore her hair like my daughter does and she reminded me of her, even in what she was wearing.  I felt a sense of warmth and beauty and peace like nothing I have EVER experienced before.  It only lasted for probably 30 seconds or a minute, I’m not sure.  I was so caught up in it that I didn’t realize what was happening until I opened my eyes and was where I was.  And then it took me a little while to sort out what it was that I had just seen and experienced.  I think the weirdest part about it, is that at the time, it didn’t seem extraordinary at all.  It was just as real and normal as the ground I stood on.

I came home and shared with my mom and sister-in-law, Robin, with tears of joy and awe overflowing.  It was such a beautiful experience and gift.  That feeling of peace and joy with no pain…I want to behold it, to experience it again.  I have no idea why the Lord gave me this beautiful experience.  It has lightened the sorrow in my heart and turned my eyes towards His coming joy.  And it was real.  I keep wanting it to be a dream so I can more easily explain it and accept it and understand it, but it wasn’t.  It was real.  And it was a precious gift that I am so humbled to have received and feel so privileged to share.  I pray that it blesses you as much as it has blessed me.  What I saw had no reality of horror…it was of pure unobliterated joy and love.  In His perfect presence and peace.    

Rick is on his way to Big Spring!!!  His official status on the BOP website is "in transit" so he hasn't arrived yet.  Praying that we can get the paperwork in and processed in time so next weekend we will get to see him!!!  Thank you so much to all who have helped us with travel arrangements!!!!  My deepest gratitude to all of you.  And for continued love, support, encouragement and prayers. 

Merry Christmas to all of you.  May the love of Christ be evident to all and His peace and joy make your Christmas full.

…Two Great blogposts to further read reflecting on the Sandy Hook tragedy are below.

http://kellerquotes.com/god-identifies-with-your-suffering/

by Tim Keller

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/12/the-truth-about-sandy-hook-where-is-god-when-bad-things-happen/
by Ann Voskamp