Not What I Was Expecting...

“I ended my first book with the words no answer.  I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer.  You are yourself the answer.  Before your face questions die away.  What other answer would suffice?  Only words, words; to be led out to battle against other words." -C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

“But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.”  -Isaiah 64:8 

I told my girl this morning how beautiful she was.  Curlers wrapped in brown locks fastened to her head for the first time.  She wore a pretty dress and tights with laced up ribbon boots.  A mint green button down sweater completed this little woman in the making.   

She is a fair princess.  And I tell her that all the time.  But I also tell her that her beauty was given to her by God for God.   I fear her value being wrapped up in something our society exalts and exploits.  I tell her what He’s really after is her heart.  

When we were in the thick of the investigation and were wiped out financially and Rick’s reputation was tainted…all seemed lost.  People were taking advantage of Rick’s plight by having him work for them, because they knew he was good at what he did and he was trying to make things right, and then when he’d bring in business they would make excuses as to why they couldn’t pay him or “get involved”.  And then one company who seemed to embrace and support him, after Rick had disclosed everything, brought him on for 2 years and right when his business started thriving  let him go because supposedly one of the owners “didn’t know” his circumstances.  It felt like one injustice after another.  He was trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild and he was getting beaten down and taken advantage of over and over again.  

I kept asking God, what is your purpose in all of this?  What are we to do with this?  I was praying all would not be in vain…that good would come from it.  

In the deepest parts of our hearts we long for redemption of our pain, our mistakes, our brokenness. 

One day I was reading a devotional called “Streams in the Desert” that a dear friend had given me.  And this is what it said:

 "It is good for me that I have been afflicted" (Ps. 119:71).

It is a remarkable circumstance that the most brilliant colors of plants are to be seen on the highest mountains, in spots that are most exposed to the wildest weather. The brightest lichens and mosses, the loveliest gems of wild flowers, abound far up on the bleak, storm-scalped peak.

One of the richest displays of organic coloring I ever beheld was near the summit of Mount Chenebettaz, a hill about 10,000 feet high, immediately above the great St. Bernard Hospice. The whole face of an extensive rock was covered with a most vivid yellow lichen which shone in the sunshine like the golden battlement of an enchanted castle.

There, in that lofty region, amid the most frowning desolation, exposed to the fiercest tempest of the sky, this lichen exhibited a glory of color such as it never showed in the sheltered valley. I have two specimens of the same lichen before me while I write these lines, one from the great St. Bernard, and the other from the wall of a Scottish castle, deeply embossed among sycamore trees; and the difference in point of form and coloring between them is most striking.

The specimen nurtured amid the wild storms of the mountain peak is of a lovely primrose hue, and is smooth in texture and complete in outline, while the specimen nurtured amid the soft airs and the delicate showers of the lowland valley is of a dim rusty hue, and is scurfy in texture, and broken in outline.

And is it not so with the Christian who is afflicted, tempest-tossed, and not comforted? Till the storms and vicissitudes of God's providence beat upon him again and again, his character appears marred and clouded; but trials clear away the obscurity, perfect the outlines of his disposition, and give brightness and blessing to his life.

Clarity.  The most brilliant flowers flourish on the highest peaks.  Amidst extreme weather and thin air.    Where most people will never see them.  Some of the most beautiful places in the world hidden to the human eye.   What’s the purpose?…the Lord answered my question…but it was not what I was expecting.

The joy in making those flowers come into their beauty and when they do is all for the glory of their Creator.  That is the purpose.  For His glory.  

And so I thought of my heart.  In the deepest part of my being.  Where only He can see.  And my story and our circumstances.  Storms raging wild and arid desert lands all beating down.  Walls of pride and arrogance and ingratitude and self-sufficiency crumbling.  Driving me inward.  To Him.  The question is...”how am I going to respond to Him?”  “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"Job 2:10  And that is the purpose.  He is after at my heart.  

The week after we visited Rick and I had come home heavy hearted…I went into a quiet dark space in my house where tears could spill over at the foot of the cross.  And it’s here where He gently reminded me of this truth.  “This journey you are on…it’s not about what you perceive…it’s about Me and you.  It’s about you trusting Me and letting Me shape you and coming to Me with your pain and letting Me work thru you and depending on Me for everything.  It’s about a relationship.  With Me.  All these circumstances are here to bring you closer to Me.  Because in the end…when you’ve let Me in…when you’ve laid down your will and trusted in My Love for you and that I will never forsake you and I am here to free you and help you and do a good work in you…everything will change.  Your life, your relationships, your heart.  All for the better.  For your good and my Glory.  No matter what the circumstances are.   Quit trying to be strong and comparing yourself to other people who you “perceive” doing it better.  Because it’s not about what you do.  It’s about who you are in me.   So come to me.  Everyday, every hour, every moment.  I will carry you thru.”  

And so when those why questions haunt and churn up angst… I picture the flowers.  And their affliction.  Blooming glory for their Maker.  

Prayers:   Please pray for Rick’s health and that God would provide whatever medication he needs for His heart condition.  He is still only getting one and his doctor here had prescribed him about 6.  Pray that his itching would be resolved or alleviated.  

Anyone with Southwest Airline passes or who knows someone who has any extra and would like to donate them to our family would be greatly appreciated!  

Please pray for God’s financial provision for our family and for me to trust Him in this.  And that He will provide for us to get to go see Rick because this is a significant expense.

For my kids and their hearts and for health in our home.  We have 10 people living here and 6 are kids and all 3 of my children sleep in my room.  Can you say petri dish???  :)

And for my grandmother’s health.  Please pray for her and our family’s peace as she is facing many unknowns.