tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58508786693999140952024-03-08T04:12:53.009-08:00thewrongsideofthedoorAt present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so. Some day, God willing, we shall get in. ~C.S.LewisRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-30555006398019689572015-04-23T10:39:00.000-07:002016-07-27T12:03:00.969-07:00Cinderella and an Epic Kinda Life...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“A safe fairyland is untrue to all worlds.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>~J.R.R. Tolkien</i></span></b></span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i> </i></span></b></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"> </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"> "If
you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want
them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>~Albert Einstein</i></span></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
We went to see Cinderella this weekend (well...it's been several weekends ago but I'm just now finishing this post).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A classic fairytale with modern spice and the
gospel message bright as the colors of the screen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A picture perfect family with a loving mother and
father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Broken by a ravaging disease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In her final moments this dying mother leaves
her beloved daughter simple yet profound words of truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be kind and have courage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Be kind and have courage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>United as one, forging
a powerful bond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know that I
ever really understood the significance of not having one without the
other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so hard to be kind sometimes
especially in the face of anger or hurt or the bedlam befouling our day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And courage without kindness might just be a
vain pursuit of self glorification.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How important we see in the film that these two virtues stay
bonded together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are what shape the
heart of the orphaned and abused little girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They are what capture the heart of the future kingdom.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you know the story...Ella, the name bestowed on her at
birth, loses her mother and father and is left in the care of a heartless
selfish stepmother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She loses everything
dear to her including her room which she benevolently relinquishes and then is
forced up in the attic so her insufferable stepsisters can move into all that
she knew as home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In her sadness she traverses the long trek up the many
stairs into the dusty desolate attic…where she discovers a place of
refuge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Away from the overwrought
atmosphere of egocentricity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where
freedom dances in the dust.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ella becomes a slave in her own home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oppressed by those who were invited into her
life as a hope of bringing love and joy and blessings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But her heart beats the truth of her mother’s
words and she perseveres.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She seeks warmth from the fire after a brutal day of labor and callousness and tenderly
falls asleep in the ash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When she awakes to the calling and demands of her step-family…she walks in covered in soot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is a startling contrast to how the story began.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if I didn’t know how the story ended…I
might be tempted to think that darkness would crush this valiant spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For here is where they mockingly change her
name to the famous Cinderella.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Filth, hurt, and rejection ripple across her face, yet her
warm heart still glows beauty from within.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Broken but not defeated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She chooses
to fight…but not in the nasty way she receives treatment…she does not mirror
her offenders…she humbly stays true to her mother’s wisdom and clings to her
courage and walks in grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cinderella</span></i></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">… compassion does not come easily; it
calls for grit and sacrifice.” -</span></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Katy Waldman</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A picture of a broken heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Abandoned, afflicted and disregarded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>By the very ones who are supposed to love, protect and nurture her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And far too many tender hearts have been
pierced by these arrows.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For some the circumstances were of no control of their
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something terrible happened that
changed the course of their lives and they were ushered into a new world of
sorrow and sadness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where the only
respite might be found alone and away from darkness looming in the ticking
hours of times current sweeping through the days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For others it is their choices that have
driven them from a life they could not accept as it was and in their own
efforts tried to fix it or run from it destroying so much of what was good.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whatever the case may be…at some point…we all come to the
place where we see that life “was not as it was meant to be".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And here in Cinderella’s story…it is clear
where she encounters this truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it
is here where the miracle really begins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Where magic can really happen and true power is revealed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through her humility.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so she adheres to the words of her dying mother…her
promise to her mother…to live out these truths.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Be kind and have courage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And she will need every bit of that truth to survive her hell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or it will take her strait down with it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She honors her mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She lives it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the face of
ridicule…in the face of mockery…in the face of cruelty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those words keep her from being a true
prisoner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“She lives according to her
values and discovers happiness where others would be too unimaginative to look.”<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">-</span></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Katy Waldman</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her heart is free.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see the callousness of her tormentors in contrast of the
grace in which she responds to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
she does not fall into the snares of revenge or hardness or giving her heart
over to be destroyed by it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This takes incredible
courage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Humility anchored in kindness empowers
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She protects her heart from bitterness but not
from bruises and that makes all the difference.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day Ella’s pain drives her out to the woods on the back
of her horse where she meets her prince…her love…her savior. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I love how it is written right there in
the script…right there on the screen…had it never been for the wickedness of
her stepsisters, she may never have been out in the country where her salvation
awaited.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It reminds me of one of my favorite stories in the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Genesis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Where Joseph’s jealous brothers sold him into slavery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Years later their country was in peril from
the great famine and they traveled to Egypt to seek help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And to their great surprise and terror, their
brother was one of the ruling officials who they were asking help from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in his years of slavery and imprisonment
and being away from his beloved father and home…he responds to them in the most
beautiful and humble of ways…"what you meant for evil, God meant for good." God used their wickedness to save His beloved people.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Evil does not have its way in this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Lord uses every single malicious deed…every single offense and calamity…every single crushed spirit and wounded soul…to
bring His goodness and His will and His purposes to be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All we have to offer is our dirty rags…our botched up life...our
broken hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is all we have to
bring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But our great God intends to
redeem it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To accept us just as we
are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All cinder and soot, depraved
embers still burning and wayward intentions still blurred and abandoned and alone
and at the end of ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the beautiful magical royal ball… the prince fervently searches
for Cinderella…and her heart is fixed on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For she has danced with him and tasted his goodness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He comes for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Searching
far and wide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And finds her just as she
is…cinder and soot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he asks her her
name.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She answers Cinderella.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not her birth name…but a name that maybe she had come to cherish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The cinders of time were burning and she had the courage to love anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be
kind anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had earned that name,
so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a new her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A beautiful one that had made her beauty glow
ever brighter because of all the darkness that surrounded her.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Then…one of my favorite parts of the movie…she asks him…will
you have me even though I am an orphan…even though I have nothing to give you
except rags and filth and brokenness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
which without a flinch he embraces all that she is with all that he has and our
hearts melt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because it is the desire of every single one
of us who knows the truth of who we really are and that we are hopeless without
a Savior Redeemer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For her final act of courage she chooses kindness once again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walking hand in hand with her heart’s true love…she
turns to her stepmother who has caused her the greatest pain in her life and
says “I forgive you”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A moment she could have reveled and relished in and used as
a time to hurt back… but true to who she is, she forgives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
None of this looks easy for Ella in the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You hurt for her and hope for her and feel injustice
for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in the end…she is blessed beyond her wildest
dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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I have always wanted to live an “epic” life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A fairy tale, if you will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A life that means something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That makes a difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That plays like a song of melodies awakening
truth in the deepest parts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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And Cinderella really hit it home for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where the “magic” in our life truly
happens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where the ripples launch out
like ships in a sea carrying cargo to sooth hurting hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
True “magic” stems from humble beginnings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
in the small moments of every day that we have that opportunity…that calling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To live in the greatness of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Grace of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s not about being pretty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It requires grit and sacrifice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Simple and pure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be
kind and have courage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have courage to wade
thru the pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have courage to keep
giving and loving even when life turns dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fight for what’s right and what’s good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even if the battle rages on without an end in sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I recently followed the story of a woman my age who had
cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved the title of her
blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mundane faithfulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her life was epic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right there in her suffering.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kara Tippetts selflessly poured her heart out to her kids
and husband and friends and then to a world where she bravely shared her story …in
hopes that it might spur another wounded warrior on.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She could have her own fairytale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She walked thru the hard with grit and grace.
She touched the souls of the afflicted and was a light in the darkness. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her words brought comfort and encouragement to
the weary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living her life faithful to
what she had been called to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She walked
with meekness and beauty and you could see the magic happen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The source of the magic…the true Savior…the Story that every
good story points to…is the real story of a Godchild wrapped in flesh who came
for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To rescue us and redeem us and
make us new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you hear it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s calling you...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"Come to me, all you who are weary and
burdened, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28</div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-49109839075753040052015-03-05T14:41:00.001-08:002015-04-24T08:18:41.255-07:00The Sad Songs...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]-->"Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength." <i>- Frederick Buechner </i> </h4>
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“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” <i>– Ralph Waldo Emerson</i></h4>
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"And I...I'm feeling so small<br />It was over my head<br />I know nothing at all<br />And I...will stumble and fall<br />I'm still learning to love<br />Just starting to crawl"<i>-Say Something, A Great Big World</i></h4>
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<i> </i></h4>
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<i><br /></i></h4>
Only a couple of times a year, if that, do these parts see the quiet flurries of snow gently drifting into our normally scorched land. Its beauty is one to stop and gaze at. For it never lingers long. Looking outside as the mounds of white pile up and the wind blows about its frigid zeal, I am in awe. That something so beautiful and peaceful continues on in a world of chaos and loss.<br />
<br />
There seems to be a growing darkness. Maybe it has always been there, but I have just been more keen to its presence as our own dreary season lingers on. <br />
<br />
Have you ever been in a place where the sad songs make more sense? Where the grey skies are a comfort to the rain that pours on your soul? Where the haunting melodies are gripping and intriguing and the walls of your home seem like the only safe place?<br />
<br />
I walked into the grocery store after being iced in for two days and feeling a little cabin feverish. I only had a couple of things to pick up. As I approached the check out isle to pay, there she was. The sour puss. I always feel like I’m a nuisance when she has to ring up my groceries. If I ask how she is, I usually get a grunt or a snort resounding her disdain for being there. I’ve never seen her smile or even so much as a crook in her lips. Her face is weathered with deep groves of time and I can hardly make out any of her words as they roll of her tongue with a mumble.<br />
<br />
I waited for her to begin scanning my things and braced myself for hurling rumbles. She honestly doesn’t offend me. I just don’t want to be another burden to her already bitter world.<br />
<br />
I know what it’s like to be caught in an ugly rut that you just can’t shake off. Tangled in a mess of disappointments and sadness and feeling your joy leaking right out. <br />
<br />
And then facing people. Some of them want to fix it…or you...they are law lovers. Some of them want you to fake it so they can go on their merry way without pause...awww, the ceremonial. Some are repulsed as if you’re pain will make them unclean…might I say, the hypocrite? I’m ashamed to say I’ve been all three. All characters cast in the great story of the Good Samaritan.<br />
<br />
<i>25 And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” 26 He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?” 27 And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” 28 And he said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live.” 29 But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 30 Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. 31 Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. 32 So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.” </i> –Luke 10:25-32<br />
<br />
But there is one I haven’t mentioned…the one that offers mercy. The unlikely hero of the story. The one who knew the pain of the man who was in pain. Who stopped to help him…care for him…love him.<br />
<br />
<i>33” But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. 34 He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 And the next day he took out two denarii[a] and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ 36 Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” 37 He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.”</i> –Luke 10:33-37<br />
<br />
This time I did not try and dodge her aloofness but earnestly asked how she was…maybe because I understood her a little more that day...and this time her grunt didn’t sound so much like an air horn but more like a steamboat lost at sea.<br />
<br />
She murmured something under her breath as her eyes clandestinely avoided mine…in which I daringly asked her to repeat herself. And as her words began to take shape and her voice scored a new note, she simply said she was happy. Happy that it was snowing. She hadn’t seen snow since she was a kid.<br />
<br />
I had never heard this woman utter one pleasant or positive thing and she shared with me something that made her joyful…something she hadn’t experienced since she was a child. And for a second, I could see that little girl. Her vulnerability peaking out behind those pursed lips. I think I even saw one side of them turn up a bit. It was a gift, no doubt, that changed the course of our encounter into something sweet. <br />
<br />
I started to ask her where she was from and how long she had been here. Wondering what her story was. <br />
<br />
I began to see her soften. She looked at me a little confused. Surprised that I would want to know anything about her. She clearly doesn’t strive for the “most liked” employee of the store and my guess is that is her defense to keep people out.<br />
<br />
The Lord opened my eyes a little wider that day. To the image He bears in all. To the love He has for all. There are no throwaways. He lavished her with the gift of snow and joy and then she gave me the gift of openness and it made my day a little brighter and warmer because of it.<br />
<br />
I learned that day that I don’t have to have it all together to reach out and love someone. In fact…it’s thru the tears that reaching out might actually part the rain.<br />
<br />
A simple act of kindness may be the seed of hope a suffering soul is longing for to move on from a life of just surviving…to a life that begins thriving. Thriving in the storms…thriving in the wastelands…thriving in the deserts. Just like the Good Samaritan, filled with compassion, gave away.<br />
<br />
“The LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” –Micah 6:8<br />
<br />
Those sad songs…the ones that speak our feelings and sing our hurts. Awaken our souls to the call of mercy. To come to the throne of Grace where we can be filled. So that the next time we encounter a sour puss…mercy’s melodies can usher in those healing rains.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<i><b>"Guess there are times when we all need to share a little pain<br />And ironing out the rough spots<br />Is the hardest part when memories remain<br />And it's times like these when we all need to hear the radio<br />`Cause from the lips of some old singer<br />We can share the troubles we already know<br /><br />Turn them on, turn them on<br />Turn on those sad songs<br />When all hope is gone<br />Why don't you tune in and turn them on" </b></i><br />
<br />
<i><b>-Sad Songs, Elton John</b></i><br />
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-73946989057130875422014-12-09T09:21:00.000-08:002015-04-24T08:22:50.332-07:00What Lies in the Manger...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“...And then, just when everything is bearing down on us to such an
extent that we can scarcely withstand it, the Christmas message comes to
tell us that all our ideas are wrong, and that what we take to be evil
and dark is really good and light because it comes from God. Our eyes
are at fault, that is all. God is in the manger, wealth in poverty,
light in darkness, succor in abandonment. No evil can befall us;
whatever men may do to us, they cannot but serve the God who is secretly
revealed as love and rules the world and our lives.”
<br /> ―
<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/29333.Dietrich_Bonhoeffer">Dietrich Bonhoeffer</a>,
<i>
<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/14392722">God Is in the Manger: Reflections on Advent and Christmas</a>
</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I heard it on the radio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A couple of days ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I was
driving down a busy street with cars whipping by and angry hands flying
high.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wreaths hanging from the retail
doors and red ribbons wrapping light posts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A grey sky hovered while a howling wind was nipping at skin not hiding
in warm fleece covering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The oversized
Christmas trees with jewels dripping holiday cheer didn’t drown out the
contrast that was all around.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t remember the exact statistics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the gist of it was this…the holidays are
the most stressful time of the year for some…depression swells… lonely hearts hear
the echoes of crowds…those who have lost loved ones ache empty in their absence…the
financial steaming pile of mess rises with guilt taunting…dreams crushed…
failures frustrate…and all that one had hoped for cannot be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I’m about to say may ignite a tender chord in some…but
it is not meant to inflame…it’s just part of our choices and our story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We don’t do Santa in our house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean…we tell the story of the generous St.
Nicolas who was a devout follower of Christ…and we carry on the tradition of
leaving presents for our kids out when they wake on Christmas morning and those
are their “Santa” gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the movies
and stories are all watched and enjoyed, just like The Wizard of Oz.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we don’t pretend it’s real.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love the fun of Santa and the fantasy of Santa and the story
of Santa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because, after all, I am one
of the biggest fairy tale fans of all time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Especially a good one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
the good ones are closer to reality…the real reality that we can’t even see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s why I love them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I found that I just couldn’t lie to my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried it in the beginning with my first…and
I was wrought with guilt and confusion and as a person who is passionate about
Truth…it did not give me peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s already confusing enough when you look around at the
broken busted up world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When in your own
life there is war and deserts and floods and chaos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And some people are just struggling to hang
on to their last straw of hope to survive. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t want them to think that Santa was something to hope
in and believe in when there is something so much greater and more beautiful
and more wondrous than Santa could EVER be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>And so Advent…which means “coming”…the
coming of the long awaited promise of God for a Savior…became a new tradition
that began with my sweet family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it
has pleasantly surprised me how excited about it the kids get and how they don’t
want to miss one day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>25 days
anticipating each night that we open our advent calendar door and read our new
Ann Voskamp advent book with a different ornament to hang every night filled
with what Christ is about and who He is and why He came to save us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that we are waiting for His second
coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has brought on more
conversations about real life and real Grace and real Hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And their hope isn’t in their behavior…whether they're naughty
or nice…it’s in what lies in the manger...a Savior who came to give the biggest gift to all because we
are ALL naughty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And His mercy and love and
life are greater gifts than any earthly possession could ever offer them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And as these last years and years and it seems years have
been so very challenging for our family, there is no greater gift than I can
give them but Hope in Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when
all the bells are ringing and those carolers are singing…my hope is that their
hearts swell love for Jesus.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The last year since Rick came home hasn’t been all that I
hoped it would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought that we had
been through all the hard stuff and that it was going to be a time of easy
sailing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or at least not as hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m a Santa kinda believer by default.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just keep hoping that if I’m “good”…if I do
everything “right” and I pay my dues in the suffering area…than I’m gonna get
what I want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m gonna get all I’ve been
dreaming and hoping for that this world has been selling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then when it doesn’t come…I’m confused…and
crushed…and down right angry sometimes. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I find myself turning away from the Truth that is the very
woven fabric of what my heart was made for…and seeking solace and comfort in
things or people or even my dreams to take me away from the pain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s been a lifelong struggle for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love dreaming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love creating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But my heart’s passion is Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s why I love fairy tales so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they are both there in the most epic
of forms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Colossal adversity met with
suffering .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a fight to end it all…with
glorious redemption. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The matrix of the story is what our heart
longs for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It all points to Christ.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our struggle has been so long in so many various forms and
fashions and stages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’ve been weary
to the bone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not depressed…not hopeless…but
weary. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m learning and finding that
it’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because sometimes…we really
just need to rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rest in Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His promises his Grace and His Peace that
passes all understanding.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so my favorite part of Christmas…is Advent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Coming to the end of the year…to the end of
our dreams…to the end of our rope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
laying it all down at the foot of a baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who humbly came into the world through an unknown untouched teen in a
dirty barn wrapped with holy rags of Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The contrast is startling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My world belongs in His hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My future and my hopes and my disappointments
and my dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re all safely held
in a promise of Hope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reflecting on who He really is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How He came to this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not like a hero’s glory with big guns and
shiny armor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But a poor boy who had
nothing yet He had everything to offer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so…at the end of the year…when the waiting feels like it’s
stretching you thin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you’ve lost someone
or something precious to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When your
failures and mistakes seem unredeemable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When you feel like it’s never gonna change or get better…and you feel weary
and deplete.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grieve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let the
tears flow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let the dreams go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And embrace what the Lord has for you …as
dark as it may seem…He will not leave you in the dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He left everything for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the real Christmas miracle.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take a quiet moment and look where you’re hope lies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look around at what’s stealing your joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And come to the Tree of Life…the Cross… and lay your weary
heart down…all the broken pieces…and let His promises put them back
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a way that you’ve never
dreamed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Open up the places that have been burning bitterness and let
the Lord scrape the residue from the soot that has blackened your view.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kneel to forgiveness. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For it will unlock the bars that have held
you captive. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Accept that He has you right where He wants you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May it be in the wilderness…in the desert…in
a war raging fierce…in a flood overwhelming…or empty from all the loss. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And KNOW that He loves you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every naughty broken fallen busted up angry piece of you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have not fallen so far that you are out
of His reach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His love is greater than
your deepest darkest pit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of these things require a humble heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God cannot work with the proud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His very essence is one of humility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is our greatest challenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I start to feel sorry for myself…I fix my eyes on that
manger bed…and look at my bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I
start to feel like I have suffered enough…I fix my eyes on that bloodied tree
where He hung condemned as a criminal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I start to feel lost and alone…I run to Him and let Him cradle my
heart with His promises and truth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May our gaze fall away from ourselves and beam strait into
the heart of our Savior’s love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For here
is where true joy will fill those wounded places and transform our hearts. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And may our tears flow…for “those who sow with tears will
reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will
return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>” –Psalm 126:5-6</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This Christmas I am so thankful to have my whole family
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each precious smile and hug
and giggle and warm snuggle are gifts that bring me so much joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God is good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And worthy to be praised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an
eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” -2 Corinthians 4:17<br />
<br />
***update on ministry will be posted in the next couple of weeks. things are slow during the holidays but will be back in swing come the new year.***<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>http://www.soulsurvivorstories.com/ </b></span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-28255096503737492102014-09-11T13:10:00.001-07:002014-09-11T13:15:18.194-07:00Can We Survive Life's Tragedies?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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Dear Friends and Family,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am so excited to share with you that we are almost
finished with our first production of Soul Survivor Stories!!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been over a year since the Lord first
laid this ministry on my heavy heart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At that time Rick had been in prison for a year, my neighbor’s
beautiful 12 year old daughter had just passed away from a heartbreaking battle
with a brain tumor, my grandmother took her last breath after a brave fight
with melanoma, and it seemed like tragedy after tragedy was affecting so many
people I love.</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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And more than anything in the world, I wanted to share the
good news of Christ and the hope that we have in Him, and that our suffering is
not meaningless.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Soul Survivor Stories will be a video featuring 3 different
stories of people who have walked through a life-changing event or circumstance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who have experienced the “I don’t know what I’d
ever do if _____happened to me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then how the Lord redeemed their pain and
restored joy to their lives…a beautiful story of Hope giving all the Glory to
God.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These videos will be posted on the internet as an outreach
to people all over the world who have experienced a tragedy and need the Gospel
message of Christ.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Soul Survivor Stories has come under an umbrella nonprofit
until we have the resources to obtain our own 501(c)3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are called Proven Way Ministries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They allow us to accept donations for our
ministry that are tax deductible and they provide training and networking as our
ministry begins to grow.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Our website is now live online.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have the promotional video up so you can
see what it’s all about.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.soulsurvivorstories.com/">http://www.soulsurvivorstories.com/</a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Our next steps are fundraising and getting the message out.</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need sponsors who have a heart for our ministry to host a
dinners or informal gatherings where we can screen new films and share what the
ministry is about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This can be very small and intimate, or
large.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are tentatively planning a premiere and screening of the
first film before we post it online which will be mid October.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These tentative dates for the premiere and
screening would be September 28<sup>th</sup> and October 5<sup>th</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
have a couple of locations that we are looking into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may contact me at <a href="mailto:rachpayne@verizon.net">rachpayne@verizon.net</a>
if you would be interested in helping out with these events, or if you would like
to attend so I can be sure to send you an invite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our website accepts donations that will be processed through
Proven Way Ministries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every dollar will
go to filming the next series of stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have some amazing stories of God’s goodness that are waiting to be
told and shared with others who are walking through similar heartbreaks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Help
us bring Christ into the homes of those hurting.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have a Facebook page and Twitter page up that we will be
posting on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would love your likes and
shares!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And most importantly we covet the prayers of the saints - that
God would use this ministry for His purposes and His glory and that more and
more and more and more would come to be true <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Soul Survivors</i></b>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And one last HUGE Thank You!!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To all of you who have taken the time to meet
with me and share all your wisdom and experience and connect me to other people
who have continued to pave the way for this to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And especially those who have donated their
time and resources in filming our first Soul <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Survivor Stories</b>!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-39850254009701247082014-07-09T13:51:00.000-07:002014-07-10T13:13:39.372-07:00Breaking Bad...the way it had to be<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><b>“The Moral Law isn't any one instinct or any set of
instincts: it is something which makes a kind of tune (the tune we call
goodness or right conduct) by directing the instincts. The most dangerous thing
you can do is to take any one impulse of your own nature and set it up as the
thing you ought to follow at all costs. There's not one of them which won't
make us into devils if we set it up as an absolute guide. You might think love
of humanity in general was safe, but it isn't. If you leave out justice you'll
find yourself breaking agreements and faking evidence in trials 'for the sake
of humanity,' and become in the end a cruel and treacherous man.” </b></div>
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―<b> <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1069006.C_S_Lewis">C.S. Lewis</a>,
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/404221"><i>The Case for
Christianity</i></a></b></div>
<br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
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I remember when I first met him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had one of those slouchy beanies on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ones that look like you put it on and
then pull it back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it’s not right up
against your scalp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kinda like the 12
dwarves from Snow White.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The wind was screaming cold and he shivered as he walked to
the train.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seemed lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fresh out of a 10 year prison stint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His clothes hung lose from all the weight he
had lost and I could tell that freedom stung a little.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I had heard some of his story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew he was very young and sort of stumbled
into a drug empire and was making crazy money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was shot and left for dead which put him in a coma for a few months
and when he woke up he walked right out of the hospital and back into his drug
business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The one that almost just
killed him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He had two small children and had been married at the age
that I was first getting my driver’s license and hadn’t even had a real
boyfriend.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His smile was endearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Warm and childlike. I would have never pictured this man to have slogged
through the gritty trenches of that life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To witness the abominations that he had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Surely prison saved his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What will he do with it now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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I asked him if he was a believer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked him if he knew Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His mom was a Christian and he had heard about it his whole life…but he
just didn’t believe it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plain and
simple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I immediately wanted to start preaching the Gospel right
there and then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not because I was trying
to “convert” him over to my own “belief system”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because you can have a whole system of
beliefs that really are dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They don’t
move or stir any part of your heart or influence your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re just a black plaque edged with shiny gold
hanging like an emblem of proclamation that when held up against the backdrop
of a life…melt into a sludge of hypocrisy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to share
the sweet Person who has changed my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who has mended weeping wounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who has redeemed the sorrows and brokenness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My messed up relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My self-seeking propensity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who has unmasked the lies that I believed and
trusted for the destructive weapons they are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who has walked me out of darkness and shadow into the warm light of
Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the cave to the Source.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wanted to share the only Hope that can save.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is all I had to offer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
There are some things you hear about that you just gotta
check out for yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the hype and
chatter got me curious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when all my
favorite shows ended and Rick ordered Netflix…my curiosity turned to none other
than…Breaking Bad. <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll just watch the first one, I thought.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">High School
chemistry teacher turned meth maker to provide for his family as he was dying
of cancer who went bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The concept
seemed really uninteresting to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
because I didn’t like school…especially chemistry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe the idea of a man self-destructing
seemed mainstream in every media outlet as well as people that I know and
love…and I just didn’t want to go along for another ride.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Well…I couldn’t
stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It got in my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walt got in my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A seemingly simple man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A brilliant chemist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A nerdy down to earth middle aged guy who was
out to make a buck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be a hero.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To save his family from desolation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then it all goes horribly wrong and he
doesn’t abandon ship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He keeps pressing
on. While darkness billows beneath his kind eyes and warm smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Killing his relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Souring all that was sweet and likable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">I kept thinking to
myself why am I compelled to watch the demise of this man?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His relationships?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s gut
wrenching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I had really grown to
like him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could relate to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt compassion for this monster in the
making.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hoping beyond hope for him to
walk away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For him to realize the destruction
he’s causing by his choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Waiting for
a resolution…a revelation…and most of all his redemption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Jesse is the only
character in the thick of horror not jaded by it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love his character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Messed up junkie kid that everyone dismisses
and belittles and he is mortified by the atrocities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But his laziness and lack of self-value keep
driving him back to an easy way of doing something (making money) in spite of
all the pain it is causing him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t we
all do that to some capacity?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can
relate to him too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I just hurt so
much for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span>This show
brilliantly debunked so many twisted ways of thinking by playing them out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such as money is the
answer to all things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">To make money to
“provide” for your family at all costs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even if it costs you your family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">And the real
motivations that are the driving force surface in the tragic mishaps and
another layer of the character is revealed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span>Now I say that
knowing that these are fictional characters…but the reason their story is so
powerful…the number one rated show of all time in the Guinness book of world
records…is because their story rings true to hearts that are watching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can relate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good stories reveal hidden places in each one
of us and we love to watch it play out in someone else’s life.<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">One of my favorite
moments is when Jesse goes to his support group with people who are struggling
with drug addiction and confesses he murdered a “dog”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was really a person and he was devastated
by it but he couldn’t share his secret.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">When the leader
preaches self-acceptance Jesse unleashes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Calling out the lie that it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Exposing more of his own real motives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He knows <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i>it doesn’t work</i></b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knows self-acceptance is just another mask
of duplicity concealing his tormented soul.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">I love that about
the show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s raw and real and doesn’t
sugar coat the actions of the characters and doesn’t glorify them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> It cleverly portrays a life degenerating</span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></span></span>. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">After I watched the
last episode I was wrecked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes,
wrecked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t talk about it
without crying. (yes...I was invested :) )<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The brilliant chemist
turned monster’s empire crashes and he has been outwitted and he flees to a
secluded cabin where he lives for awhile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Alone…dying of cancer...with a barrel full of worthless money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it was all for not.</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">And then his “Walt
quest” once again drives him back to his town and family where you are hoping
for a come to Jesus moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is
half of one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A revelation of truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He confesses to his wife that he really
hadn’t been doing all this “for his family”, as he had preached over and over
again hammering them over the head with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had been for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His pride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Making millions and proving he was a brilliant chemist with the perfect
meth and taking out those that got in his way and <i>he liked it</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">But the
heartbreaking part for me is that although he finally took responsibility and
realized the truth…there was no sorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No apologies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that just broke
my heart for him and his family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wanted reconciliation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted
forgiveness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted the Moment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">He kissed his baby
daughter goodbye one last time…he watched his son come home from school from
afar because he wouldn’t speak to him…and you knew he was going to confront the
guys who had “beaten” him, so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">And so the end was
revenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not redemption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it was such a tragedy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walt didn’t win in the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And there was hope for him in those few moments when he realized what he
was really about…but he didn’t live long enough to make it right…in the way
that really matters…in the matters of eternity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was still on his “Walt quest” out to bring judgment on those who had betrayed
him.</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">In some ways I’m
thankful that they didn’t let him live in the act of vengeance, because they’d
be glorifying it...him….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">I really appreciate
this show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It made me examine my own
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My own heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My own motives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where I think I’m doing something good and
right but really am doing it for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And where pride’s fetters graft deceit right into the very desire that
began with good intention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ending never
goes well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Cancer didn’t kill
Walt and neither did a bullet…pride did.</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">So what’s the
alternative?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The opposite end of this
tragedy?</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Humility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Laying down arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Laying down expectations and dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Laying down the shards of disappointment that
have ripped apart reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Right at the foot of the Cross. </span></span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">And praising
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the storm in the desert in the
wilderness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because He’s there and He
has not brought you out there to harm you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is the Creator and we are the created…He is all knowing and we are
clueless…He is loving and good and our only love and goodness come from His
Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I really hope that guy…the one with the beanie and charming grin…the
one who guards his heart from all that he’s been hurt by and experienced…I hope
he doesn’t end up like Walt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s been
given a second chance that so many other people don’t get.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope he makes something out of his
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope he finds meaning in all
that he’s suffered and redemption in those places that seem forlorn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope he pursues goodness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope he pursues grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And most of all…I hope he finds the One True Healer
that can turn his life right-side-up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
never too late as long as we have air in our lungs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a new story…a better one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One that pushes back the darkness by giving
it all up…to serve the One who gave it all up…to save His lost people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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Rick has been officially off home confinement and on
probation as of May 1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel at this
point that his story is his to share on the terms that he feels led.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can tell you that the ministry the Lord has had me
working on for the last year is “in production” and hopefully the first video
of it will be completed in the next few months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He will be sharing his story there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I'll keep you posted.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Please keep our family in your prayers. For provision...direction...healing...strength...and as your heart feels led. This desert season still lingers and sometimes we get weary. And for all that the Lord has us working on to be fruitful and bless others and glorify Him. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-6257419844973497732014-03-26T11:29:00.001-07:002014-03-26T11:29:25.729-07:00When the Dust Settles and the Wind Changes<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">“To love at all is to
be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not
even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid
all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will
not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love
is to be vulnerable.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-C.S. Lewis</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">"Jesus came to show us that the gospel explains success in terms of giving; self-sacrifice, not self-protection; going to the back, not getting to the front. The gospel shows that we win by losing, we triumph through defeat, we achieve power through service, and we come rich by giving ourselves away." -Tullian Tchividjian, <u><i>Surprised by Grace</i></u> </span></b></div>
<br /><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I marvel at the beauty of gardens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flowers and vegetables and beautifully broken
seeds of life rising from dust of old…dark muddy heavy clay…supply the perfect environment
to nourish…where newness and splendor spring up out of darkness into light.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wish I knew more about cultivating a garden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know how to kill a plant…that’s for
sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But to keep even a single one
alive…well…that requires a lot of work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And tender loving touch…and then getting your hands dirty.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t really like to get my hands dirty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cringe when I see my kids playing in the
dirt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My oldest son told me the other
day he sampled the rain water in a muddy puddle on the ground…and he liked
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t really make a Clorox commercial
for a bleach milkshake.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then the weeds. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They come out of nowhere it seems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Uninvited and unwanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With strong cavernous roots penetrating earth
on a mission to take out life thriving all around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if not completely exhumed they’ll just
keep coming back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick is home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came
home on the 6<sup>th</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so
thankful to have him home…with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
have been many sweet beautiful moments of warm hugs and laughter and popcorn
and long talks and bedtime snuggles with all kids in bed and family dinners and
swimming in the heated pool when it is 20 degrees outside until ears and noses drip
ice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And lots of sword fights and
wrestling and tea parties and pillow warfare and making the most of these
moments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s done all those man things I’m worthless in carrying out
and even unloaded the dishwasher for me every time he has the opportunity,
which is my very least favorite thing to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve loved feeding him good food and laundering his clothes and holding
his hand and just looking at his face.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d like to say that all is wonderful and blissful and we no
longer have a care in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d
like to say that everything is back to normal and the burdens are lifted and we
feel like a bird that has been let out of his cage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I want to be real…because a glossy
picture of happily ever after only exists on the big screen and Facebook and I
prefer living in the raw.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We get woken up by calls in the middle of the night with the
halfway house making sure he is where he is suppose to be and random home
visits when we’re in bed about to fall asleep and being called down for random
drug tests right before we are leaving for church. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>25% of his income goes out the door to pay for
his restitution…really just goes right into the governments pocket so I think
they should change the name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The kids wake up and immediately want to run in our bedroom and
make sure their daddy is still here and want to know where he is and when he’s
coming back and when he’s gonna be home and if he’s ever gonna leave them
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been tears of loss
from just the coming home of dad and realizing how much they were missing when
he was gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And maybe even taking
awhile to open up and let down their guard because they don’t want to have him
ripped from his family one more time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick says he feels out of sorts…like he’s in a bubble and we’re
in another bubble and he doesn’t know how to come into our bubble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has been thru so much…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would say all the changes have brought somewhat of a new
jarring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like a post traumatic stress
type feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like we’ve been living in
survival mode and each dealing with our own difficult daily circumstances and
just trying to get thru to the day he’d be home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the dust is settling and the wind is
changing and there is an aftermath of what has been and an angst of what’s
ahead and we just have to keep living in the moments…the Grace filled sweet beautiful
moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where gratitude for all that
has been…and all that is…and all that will be is just part of His perfect and
good plan in sanctifying our souls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It has taken me a long time to even collect my thoughts and
emotions to where I could write down what has been going on in my own
heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That cage that was so vivid and real is gone…but for me…I
discovered that a fortress had resurrected around my own heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There has been a lot of hurt this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can only imagine when sinners rub up
against each other in such close quarters that sparks are going to fly and
hearts are going to be wounded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And for me…it took an empty house to realize that I had
barricaded myself behind these thick walls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I wasn’t alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wild weeds
springing up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Infecting the soil of my
hearts sacred ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bitter roots
taking up residence where I had neglected to guard the intake of flaming thoughts
and had rather entertained them with a royal feast.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the feast feasted upon me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those walls of self-protection are really walls of
self-preservation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wreaking havoc on
any peace or joy and fostering blinding pride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that bloody mess will just
keep oozing all over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: center;">
“When my heart was embittered</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: center;">
And I was pierced within,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: center;">
Then I was senseless and ignorant;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: center;">
I was like a beast before You.” –Psalm 73:22-23</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did not like this state of my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It grieved me deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept standing guard rather than bending low
and there was no victory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I started
calling my people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those hands and feet
of Christ that are there to love me, fight with me, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and help me see where I cannot see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ones who know me when I’m hurting and the
ones who know me when I’m burning and the ones who have led me to the Living Water
of healing to drink in Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love these
women (and my man) deeply… </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I began praying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>PLEADING…for
a heart change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the Lord to give me clarity where my own
efforts were blinding me to His will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because when you’re trying to protect yourself from hurt…you end up sealing
your own coffin shut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the life of
the heart will rot right there behind impenetrable hardened stone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my
heart and my portion forever” –Psalm 73:26 …He answered in Grace…peeling back
scales from my eyes…and meeting me right where I was.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a way out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Of your own imprisonment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LOVE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
only medicine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only way to live
wholly and Holy free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hiding is not the
answer…sacrifice is.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus took the pain…the hurt…the flesh ripping nail piercing
insult hurling pain to the grave after he bled it brave on that Cross altar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“For
even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of
those who insult you have fallen on me." –Romans 15:3</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All because of His great love for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when new life walked out of that garden tomb after three
days of death…He had conquered all that was meant to destroy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d been working so hard on my own line of defense that I
hadn’t even noticed my internal garden suffocating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was walling up the anger…the hurt…the
resentment right in there with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those
walls were built in a spirit of unwillingness…to get dirty…to sacrifice…to lay
down what was pleasing to me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And not only get dirty…but let the dirty spill out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because “no matter the jarring, a jar of fresh
water can’t spill filthy water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you’re
upset, you upset what’s really in you.” –Ann Voskamp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or as Elsa says it from Frozen…”the wind is
howling like this swirling storm inside, couldn’t keep it in heaven knows I’ve
tried.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was ugly already in there…it
had just been stirred up…so He could heal it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Lord has begun tearing down those cold ramparts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because He won’t let His loved ones rot…hide…cage
themselves away from the Greater Love that has already taken the pain. To hurt
is to be near to Him…to lay down that pain is to walk closer to Him…in His
sacrifice…in His grief…and in His victory. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He offers the only line of defense that not only protects from
prowling lions and raging storms and slithering snakes…but also from our own
rebel hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The LORD is my rock and
my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my
shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” –Psalm 18:2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And His Love is the healing balm that bloodied
wounds and broken hearts can rest in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I let my feelings dictate my decisions WAY too often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sacrifice isn’t about a feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s about humility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s about Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s about pointing to something greater than
ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s about laying down all
that our flesh screams for and walking in Love and taking refuge in The
Fortress as we stand on The Rock and trust that God will deliver us from our
pain and restore joy…and in that sacrifice…there is always blessing…always
grace…and new Life rising from the dust of old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-46472826914768571332014-01-25T14:45:00.001-08:002014-01-27T09:29:21.351-08:00The Bear Went Over the Mountain...What Do You Think He Saw?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->“Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien, <i>The Hobbit</i> <br />
<br />
<span style="mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">“Miracles are a
retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the
whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>~C.S. Lewis</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">“Imagination projects unreal
images out of the mind and seeks to attach reality to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faith creates nothing; it simply reckons upon
that which is already there.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>~A.W. Tozer,
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Pursuit of God</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was dark and lovely and the early morning chill prickled
excitement as I set out for the airport.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I arrived in Midland and went downstairs to the lobby and to wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sand of time funneling its last grains
through as I sat with anticipation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Time experienced in a new way this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Days stretched long like a winter storm
commanding all to halt in the deep white freeze.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then the melting begins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He walked through the doors in a bright yellow jacket over a
collared shirt and stiff jeans that they gave him to wear out into the “real”
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to snap pictures…and then
more pictures as he went to change back into his own clothes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wanting to capture every sweet joy brimming
grace of freedoms taken for granted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
emerged smiling and joking walking brave out of an undignified vile system that
breeds darkness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But in the darkest of
dark…the true Light of Life burns…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He carries a year and a half of contained emotions that he
said made him numb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unable to express
the sorrows and longings and desires and emptiness along with the rage and
injustice and neglect and living with 220 men all on top of each other sharing 20
showers and 20 bathroom stalls and 8 phones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And correctional officers who abuse power for their own enjoyment…and
being unable to go to a doctor and be properly treated for a life threatening
condition and to reside with people who are in an environment that fosters self
preservation hence narcissism has been…a repeated… lashing…on the soul.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He sat quietly looking out the window at the planes taking
flight to open skies and shared the hidden beauty of that place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In all of his life he struggled to hear the
still small voice of God speaking into his heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He used to get so frustrated with the Lord as
to why he could not discern the Holy Spirit’s prompting and incredulous to
those who proclaimed they could hear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Lying on his bed with his eyes closed and worldly pleasures extinct…the
eternal Living God of the universe made Himself known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right in the foul dark chaos of prison…His
voice became crystal clear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my heart
wept joy and gratitude for Grace coming into the desert and revealing Himself
to Rick as he has so longed to hear His voice!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the
wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his
eye” –Deuteronomy 32:10</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Lord did not abandon him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was with him every moment of every long
hour ticking away the days.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And Rick became a messenger proclaiming the Gospel which
literally means “good news” to those who were weary.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone told him how to be when he went “in”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t talk to anyone keep your head down and
don’t make eye contact and don’t ask all those questions you like to ask and try
and keep to yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that’s just
not who Rick is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He can’t help
himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loves people and he loves
life and he wants to know what people are about and have relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And because of it he made a difference in the
lives of the souls who he came in contact with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His Bunkie who slept on the bottom of his 3 man bunk and had
been in prison for almost 20 years for working for the drug cartel told him he
was the best Bunkie he had ever had and he was sad to see him go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also apologized to him for spraying
chemicals on his bed when Rick went thru the <a href="http://thewrongsideofthedoor.blogspot.com/2013/03/its-scabies.html">scabies episode</a>, which Rick said during that time his sheets were hurting him and he didn’t
know why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the “gringo…you cry?”
guy from my first <a href="http://thewrongsideofthedoor.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-new-dawn.html">post in Big Spring</a>.<br />
<br />
The other guys started distancing themselves the last few
weeks before Rick left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rick said it’s
what people do when others leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
become aloof and angry at the ones leaving because they’re sad to be losing
someone they have let themselves become friends with and angry because they are
left behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His counselor (the go to
person for all the inmates in Rick’s camp) who had become a huge advocate for
him while he was in there gave Rick his contact information so they could stay
in touch…how…weird…is…that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What a wonderful feeling it was to sit on comfortable chairs
and hug and talk without an audience and a babysitter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He shared stories of all the misery of being
shackled and trying to eat and drink and sit in a tiny chair on a moving bus
for 4 hours and being locked up in a tiny room from one transportation site to
the next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the while laughing as he
acted out the ridiculousness of it like a Saturday night live skit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the many things I love about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That he can laugh in the face of adversity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We boarded the plane and held each other’s hands and the
engines roared resolve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hardest part
was over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lifting off that tarmac for
the last time and this time not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we landed in Dallas we had to hurry because our plane
had been late and he had to be at the halfway house at a certain time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is south of Dallas in Hutchins and there
really isn’t much around it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Driving up
the red brick building reminded me of an old nursing home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt relieved that it wasn’t frightful
looking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I remembered when I dropped him off September 28, 2012 at
the Denton county jail and the sinking feeling almost made me throw up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had never even seen a jail and the sight of
it was horrible and the long haul in front of us too much to bear. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was so much different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The building looked harmless and there was no razor wire to be
seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had packed a bag full of treasures that he was unable to
use in Big Spring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like fragrant mint
soap and shaving cream and a double edged raiser and good deodorant and soft
pants and shirts and an electric toothbrush which he said was his favorite
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He brushed his teeth over and
over and over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since then we have talked on the phone as much as we’ve
wanted without the recording of a woman stating “this call is from a federal
prison…”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has started working in Flower Mound and we get to
see him more often. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of that has been amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has had many friends come by to see him
and been able to call others he’s been out of touch with for over a year and
there has been so much joy just having him close…especially with the kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My daughter gets excited when we kiss or hold
hands…she grins and giggles and says, “ya’ll are married…”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Moving forward there are huge new mountains ahead of us (<a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=zfICF08cXiIC&pg=PA130&lpg=PA130&dq=the+bear+went+over+the+mountain+what+do+you+think+he+saw+he+saw+another+mountain&source=bl&ots=7qCJpk1VE5&sig=64NMYxPwuz3ffpv3iJVKeQVUFFY&hl=en&sa=X&ei=fz3kUqvwKafMsATLqYHYDA&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=the%20bear%20went%20over%20the%20mountain%20what%20do%20you%20think%20he%20saw%20he%20saw%20another%20mountain&f=false"><i>just like that darn bear</i></a>) and
the terrain of these next few months and years will come along new
challenges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The halfway house makes it
incredibly complicated to integrate back into life and make money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rick is a go getter with an entrepreneurial
spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He needs to have a car and be
mobile and a cell phone and normal things people need to get the ball rolling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He has to get all of these things approved yet they make it
extremely difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like crazy
difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He can’t leave the store to
get a cell phone but he has to have a cell phone and number before he can get
it approved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Same thing with a car.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He can’t go home until he has an archaic phone line hooked
up with a bill and a letter from the phone company stating that the phone line
has no calling features.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have spent
hours upon hours with Verizon trying to get this accomplished.<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">He
has to pay 25% restitution from his paycheck and that money goes not to the “injured
parties” but to the government for interest…can someone explain to me why the government
collects the interest from the parties that lost their money? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know about you…but that seems criminal
to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The government is making money
off of victim’s restitution and the victims get nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s 2% of 2.8 million dollars so the
injured parties will likely never see a dime unless the Lord comes in and parts
the red seas…which I know He can…I just hope that He’s willing. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Not to mention it’s a huge pill to swallow writing that
check when Rick never took any money from anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He lost all that he had from doing business
with a person he thought was his friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One bad decision ripples destruction…but not defeat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Lord orchestrated it all and it…is…good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><br />
<br />
I’ll be honest…I don’t really want to climb anymore
mountains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just want to sit back and
coast for awhile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just want to have my
husband at home with his family and reconnect and not have to think about any
of these challenges ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> But the Lord's work is not done here. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">He's got something better up His sleeve. The bigger the challenge...the more amazing the Glory...and if we get more of Him...than coasting would rob us of life's greatest Treasure. "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ"-Philippians 3:8.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>This is a new chapter of a story about Hope, redemption…and
God’s saving Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s His Story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Grace leads the way through every storm…every
desert…and every impassible road that may present itself before us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WE. CANNOT. SEE. AHEAD…but we can trust in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">THE WAY</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For He has brought us this far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love the Bible and how it is FULL Of these stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Injustice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unfairness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suffering. Impossible circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And most of all broken messed up people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
how through all of it you can see God’s hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Working in the lives of His people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Displaying His goodness and His glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of my favorites is Joseph who was sold into slavery by
his brothers and taken to Egypt (Genesis 37).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was sold to a man who found favor in him but whose wife lusted after
him and accused him of a crime he did not commit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was thrown into prison where he then found
favor in the eyes of the prison keeper but where he sat for years…until the
Lord used the gift He had given him…the one that had caused his brothers to
sell him into slavery…to release him from prison and into the favor of Pharaoh…where
he was put in charge of ruling the country…and then his brothers came down to Egypt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And asked him for help during a horrible
famine in the land.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he says…”As for
you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about
that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” –Genesis 50:20.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That act of evil saved a nation of
people…God’s people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I trust the Lord…and sometimes that trust comes with many
tears and confessions and a large helping of humble pie...which I might add…is
the kind of pie that takes weight off the heart and heals egocentrism. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray that He will allow us to pay off the whole
restitution before Rick’s probation is up in 3 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that all of this strenuous faith walking
will bring about soul conditioning and heart reshaping that will prepare us for
greater callings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God is able…and I’m
not afraid to pray for what seems impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because the Truth tells me “nothing is impossible with God” –Luke
1:37.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s where I plant my feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On that Rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when doubt and fear creep in…I will raise my Ebenezer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up
between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, “Till now
the LORD has helped us” -1 Samuel 7:13.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>2012-2013 seemed like an impossible year to get thru in so many ways and
here we are on the other side…He was faithful and will continue to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love the movie After Earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A beautiful allegory of our walk with God
(Hollywood can’t help but knit Truth into their stories…it’s what moves the
hearts of men) of fear and faith and claiming truth in the face of fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
Here’s a quote from the movie…“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in
our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to
fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near
insanity Kitai. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a
choice. We are all telling ourselves a story and that day mine changed.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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He has brought us this far…He will continue to carry us
through life’s joys and sorrows and hardships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For He is a God who saves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so we’ll move on…ahead…and forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Straight into the impassible roads
ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like the Israelites did so
many years ago…and God made a way…<span class="text"><sup> </sup></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text"><sup>14 </sup>The</span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;"> Lord</span></span><span class="text"> will fight for you; you need only to be still.”</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span id="en-NIV-1905"><span class="text"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span id="en-NIV-1905"><span class="text"><sup>15 </sup>Then
the </span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><span class="text"> said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites
to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">move on</b>.</span></span><span id="en-NIV-1906"><span class="text"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span id="en-NIV-1906"><span class="text"><sup>16 </sup>Raise your staff and stretch
out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go
through the sea on dry ground.</span></span> <span id="en-NIV-1907"><span class="text"><sup>17 </sup>I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that
they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his
army, through his chariots and his horsemen.</span></span> <span id="en-NIV-1908"><span class="text"><sup>18 </sup>The Egyptians will know that
I am the </span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><span class="text"> when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.”</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span id="en-NIV-1909"><span class="text"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span id="en-NIV-1909"><span class="text"><sup>19 </sup>Then
the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel’s army, withdrew
and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood
behind them,</span></span> <span id="en-NIV-1910"><span class="text"><sup>20 </sup>coming
between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought
darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the
other all night long.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
<span class="text"><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span id="en-NIV-1911">21 </span></span></sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Then
Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the </span></span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Lord</span></span><span class="text"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> drove the sea back with a strong east wind and
turned it into dry land. The waters were divided,</span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span> <span class="text"><sup><span id="en-NIV-1912">22 </span></sup>and the Israelites went through the sea on dry
ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.</span>”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Exodus 14:14-22 </span></div>
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<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-45047624979346000582014-01-04T20:00:00.000-08:002014-01-05T11:25:25.812-08:00Lusterless Treasures...New Horizons...and Thankful Hearts<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I
believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I
see it, but because by it I see everything else.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-C.S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Lewis</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></b> </div>
<i><b>All that is gold does not glitter,</b><b>
Not all those who wander are lost;<br />
The old that is strong does not wither,<br />
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.</b><br />
<b>From the ashes a fire shall be woken,<br />
A light from the shadows shall spring;<br />
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,<br />
The crownless again shall be king. </b></i><b>-JRR Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings</b><i><b> </b></i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you, Lord, for 2013.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For a year full of adversity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
deeper sorrows than I’ve ever known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Where security was exposed for the lie it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where the illusion of control was unveiled as
the great betrayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for breaking me to pieces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And taking away so many comforts and freedoms
and things I hold dearer than You.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
opening up my eyes to dark places in the world longing for Hope and a Savior…and
the dark places in my own heart in need of a Healer and Redeemer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
And thank You for the unexpected unprecedented twists and turns
that are always a stamp of Your hand and presence in all the chaos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For growing a tattered marriage stronger in
the absence of each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For wooing children
closer to Your loving heart through blurred hot tears and bended knees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For sending provision month after month after
month from places unforeseen and people with generous hearts hurting with us
and fighting for us.<br />
<br />
It has been a year with more prayer…which means more of
You.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a year with more wanting of Who
you Are…because a withered soul thrives in the places and truths of its
Creator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With deep thoughts and earnest
seeking and humble revelation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And tears
weeping from open wounds…caught in a precious bottle…held by a loving Father…who
is FOR us and not against us.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for showing me that all my nagging fears are just
that…fear…and that True Love and fear do not mingle or mix…as one repels the
other…they are oil and water. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That there
is One greater than all fear and pain and He has used my circumstances as a
beautiful place to reveal His goodness and grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And most of all…thank you for loving me in the ugly messes
that I always make…for the sinner I continue to be…and for bleeding red mercy death
on a cross so I may live eternally in Glory with You. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You have lavished riches beyond measure upon us this
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ones that are eternal and
beautiful and everything I never wanted but all I could ever hope for in procuring
the One true treasure … the Spring of Living Water…the Vine of vitality…and the
Bread of Life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your faithfulness is
unwavering and your gentleness bestows peace. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And last of all…that covers all…that mends all…that saves
all…thank you for Sweet…Precious…Amazing Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I experienced more of It’s treasures this last year than I ever
have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suffering for You has been an
honor and a privilege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for trusting
me with it and in it…and for new mercies every morning when I have not suffered
well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray our story…Your story…will
bring others Hope and You Glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
may we all know even more of Your Grace in 2014.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“O righteous Father,
even though the world does not know you, I know you, and these know that you
have sent me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made known to them your
name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have
loved me may be in them, and I in them.” –John 17:25-26</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">thank
you Jesus that you love us so…</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What is on the horizon for 2014…</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Monday morning I will be flying out to Midland to pick up
Rick and bring him back to Dallas where I will drop him off at the new place he
will reside for the next couple of months and hopefully not more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are so excited!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently this halfway house has more “scary”
type offenders…and is not in the best part of town…so please keep us in your
prayers and the souls who we will be encountering during this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick will be able to work and has been working on many new
business endeavors and looking to start back on his title business with his
loyal clients and growing that business again and all kind of other things that
he is excited to put into place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please
pray for God’s hand in this and direction and that it will not take him long to
ramp up cash flow as his sister and family will be moving out in February.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please keep them in your prayers as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have persevered with us thru this
difficult journey and I would love prayers asking that the Lord would bless
them for their sacrifice and in their new home and wherever and to whatever He calls
them next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both of our families have
many transitions this next year and would love prayers of Grace and peace
throughout these.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As for me…I will continue writing and blogging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I also have an exciting new venture on the horizon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been working on a new ministry that
the Lord has put heavy on my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
hoping to unveil a rough draft of it in the next couple of months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would love your prayers and help if you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need someone who can video and edit interview style.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be pro bono for the first pilot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="mailto:rachpayne@verizon.net">rachpayne@verizon.net</a>
if you have a contact.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need
stories of survivors who have become thrivers…stories around a certain event in
their life…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An example I heard recently was of the story of a man who
lost his wife and child in a car crash and one child survived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His journey thru the pain to joy was compelling
and beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We need more of these
stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need more of these
stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God is good even in the worst
circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His-Story will always end
in redemption and restoration…but it doesn’t mean that there still isn’t a
great sense of loss and pain…and it’s those who have not only learned…but
breathed in the truth that His Grace is sufficient…that go from survivor to
thriver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what Hope is all about.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you know someone who has survived a harrowing ordeal and
the Lord has redeemed their pain and they might want to share their story or
you have and want to share your own story…I would love to hear it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am looking for 3 for our first pilot and
more after that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This would be recorded
and put up in various media outlets and possibly some other venues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="mailto:rachpayne@verizon.net">rachpayne@verizon.net</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Some of the scripture
woven throughout my life and my heart this last year…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";"> </span> </div>
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For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any
two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and
of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Hebrews 4:12</div>
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<br /></div>
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The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately
sick; who can understand it? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>–Jeremiah 17:9</div>
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<br /></div>
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On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the
healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous,
but sinners."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Mark 2:17</div>
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<br /></div>
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“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field,
which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he
has and buys that field.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Matthew 13:44</div>
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<br /></div>
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The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed
in spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>–Psalm 34:18</div>
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<br /></div>
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Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I am the one
who helps you, declares the LORD; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>–Isaiah 41:14</div>
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“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will
give you rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take my yoke upon you,
and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest
for your souls.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Matthew 11:28-29</div>
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“but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will
never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a
spring of water welling up to eternal life.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>-John 4:14</div>
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“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me
and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do
nothing.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-John 15:5</div>
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Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes
to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-John 6:35</div>
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Then Pilate said to him, “So you are a king?” Jesus
answered, “You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this
purpose I have come into the world—to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who
is of the truth listens to my voice.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- John
18:37</div>
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You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my
tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- Psalm 56:8</div>
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<br /></div>
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What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us,
who can be against us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- Romans 8:31</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.
For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in
love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-1 John 4:18</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; <span class="p"></span> they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. -Lamentations 3:22-23</div>
<br />
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8<span class="p"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-18625999213619051152013-11-13T10:44:00.000-08:002013-11-13T14:32:14.653-08:00BRAVE<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b>Frodo: Go back, Sam! I'm going to Mordor alone.</b><br />
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<b>Sam: Of course you are. And I'm coming with you!</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b> -<i>The Lord of the Rings </i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this
world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for
another world.” –<i>CS Lewis</i></b><b> </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>"God</b><b> of our life, there are days when the burdens we carry
chafe our shoulders and weigh us down; when the road seems dreary and endless,
the skies grey and threatening; when our lives have no music in them, and our
hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage. Flood the path with
light, run our eyes to where the skies are full of promise; tune our hearts to
brave music; give us the sense of comradeship with heroes and saints of every
age; and so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of
all who journey with us on the road of life, to Your honor and glory.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>-Augustine</i></b><i> </i> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The days of lonely are rough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The weight of bearing it all sometimes makes
my knees buckle…right down to the dusty earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Where I see life…pushing through dirt up towards light and the earth
whispers death to life…the sweet song of Redemption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are down to our last visit with Rick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we went to see him a couple of weeks ago
he was a bit anxious and teary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We left
early Saturday morning taking the long drive without traffic and without having
to spend two nights in that stinky town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The kids play their games or watch movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They ask “are we almost there” starting about
mile 15.<br />
<br />
The drive this time was sweeter somehow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An end in sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sun warmly ascended on wheat fields
beaming amber rays and the cotton was ready for harvest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love how beautiful fall clothes the
countryside…and how the cool air brings much relief from the summer inferno.</div>
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<br /></div>
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As soon as we arrived at the prison…Saxon stepped out of the
car and all of his youthful zeal faded to grey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He goes from excitement to exhaustion when we walk through the stale
doors and into the smell of microwave popcorn and processed tamales.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I certainly for one will not miss all of the Big Spring
smells…can you tell?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The oil refineries potent
scent that wakes me in the middle of the night to the hotel chemicals used to
mask the stench.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the jalapeño
cheddar hamburger that is lunch from the vending machine when eaten will
generate an internal chemical reaction producing its own lasting smells for the
rest of the day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick was full of smiles and love and hugs and tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Longing to be home and so happy to see his
family after 5 long weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I count back
it’s probably been less than 15 times that we’ve seen him this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much he’s missed…but the distance and time
have not been in vain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Lord has been
in every moment and every mile between…busy at work carving away all that
encumbers our deepest desires…so that we can have more of Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because HE IS JOY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“God is most glorified in us when we are
most satisfied in him.” –John Piper</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He took the kids outside and played blocks with them and
asked them about their lives and told them how much he missed them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saxon’s head down on his Noni’s lap just
trying to get through the long 4 hours with a burden that he bears brave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a paper that he wrote at school
describing who his hero is that I shared with his dad…</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">My Hero</b></div>
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What
is a hero…a hero is someone who is brave, defensive and playful.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
He
teaches my brother and I how to defend ourselves with nerf guns and swords.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
He
goes hard on us, so if someone were to break in we would be able to defend
ourselves and our family.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
He taught my brother
and I how to wrestle.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
But most of all he
protects our family.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
My dad is my hero.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of my kid’s hero is their dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arista loves telling people when she’s going
to see her dad and never skips a beat when she tells them he’s in jail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She shares with her whole ballet class, her
friends, our neighbors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone who will
listen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she’s playing games of
flying and making wishes with Pixie Dust the only place she wants to go is to
Big Spring where her daddy is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
youngest son Lochlan brings home drawings every week of his dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All covered in words of I love and miss my
daddy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have stacks and stacks of
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Saxon…well…he just is his
dad…in so many ways...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And he is my hero, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am so proud of how he has walked through these last 14 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bettering himself in any way he can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has worked on losing weight and eating the
best he can where food is labeled “not fit for human consumption” and reading
more and being patient and holding it together in the walls of that wretched
place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that has got to be incredibly
challenging for someone who has a hard time staying in one place and who gets
cabin fever really easily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His fellow inmate friend called me today who got out a week
ago and wanted to check on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told
me that Rick has been a mentor to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Helping him out of the pit of where he had come from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Giving him Truth and Wisdom and
encouragement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Holding him accountable
and spurring him on to be a better person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He continues to touch people’s lives…to press on…to fight
the good fight!!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I’m incredibly touched and thankful for all of those who
have been out to see him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has blessed
him beyond measure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those that have
sacrificed their time and resources to go to a not so touristy place and sit in
some not so luxurious accommodations and just visit and love on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you!!!!!!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My mom has been my Sam in this whole ordeal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Samwise Gamgee…the simple gardener in the
Lord of the Rings who becomes the biggest hero of the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is with Frodo every step of the way…all
the way to the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when Frodo
turns on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when Frodo releases
him of his obligation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He won’t leave
his side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He always see’s Frodo for who
he is and the weight he has to bear and the mission at hand and keeps his eyes
on the task…and helps his friend at all costs to bear that ring to its final
destruction.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My mom bears her cross with the utmost beauty and
grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has been there through all my
tears and fears and “I’m about to lose it” moments always steadfast and full of
compassion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She comes to the kids’ games
and school events and has gone to every single visit we’ve had with Rick
because I couldn’t have done it alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All this and much much more while losing her mom this summer and helping
her dad grieve and move on to a new chapter and new home and working and
everything else she has going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
she loves my husband ever so tenderly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She went with me this morning to a Veteren’s Day assembly at
my kid’s school where Saxon sang his heart out in a beautiful choral
performance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so surprised at how
many times I was choking back tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There were many veterans there…fathers, grandfathers, uncles and
cousins…all standing to be recognized for each division of the Armed Forces
where they served.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I looked at each
one of their faces…some young and some old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I thought about what sacrifice is…for our country…for the people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they give it freely…and courageously…bearing
the scars of war on their hearts and some on the flesh.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’re surrounded by hero after hero after hero.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I thought of the hero’s who have been
there for me this past year…and all of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are so many…that have carried us through and have generously offered
financial assistance and have stewarded a company and have given up their home
and who have rallied around us and helped me with my kids and called and texted
and emailed to check on me and written Rick letters and sent him books and
faithfully been there for us in prayer and encouragement and love all the other ways you have graciously served our family...I am so
eternally and deeply grateful beyond word of words for your love and sacrifice. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And especially for THE HERO in all of it…who knows my heart
and hurt and messiness and brokenness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That He saved me right in the middle of it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I’m not condemned but redeemed…that I’m
not lost but found…that He carries my burdens and heals my wounds and binds up
my broken heart and carries me thru.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
covered in Grace because of HIS great MERCY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not because anything I’ve done…but because of who HE is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He saves us in spite of ourselves…because we
all fall short (Romans 3:23).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He has sent His army of saints to wrap their arms around us
and support us and fight for us this year in the middle of pain and hurt and
suffering…He has not abandoned us…He has not punished us…He has not rejected
us…quite the contrary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has loved us
ferociously…”But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with
which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive
together with Christ—by grace you have been saved” -Ephesians 2:4-5.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m ready for Rick to come home and fix things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And break up fights and answer a few of the
900 questions I get asked by 3 little curious souls on a daily basis and give
tea parties and sword fights and daddy dates and lots of hugs and kisses which
Rick is so good at.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But most of all…I’m
ready for him to come home so we can take care of him and he can be where he
belongs…with his family and all who love him dearly.</div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-30982300629225599722013-10-24T15:51:00.001-07:002013-10-25T13:59:43.576-07:00When All Other Lights Go Out<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><b>“May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”
</b><br />
<b>―
J.R.R. Tolkien,
<i>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3204327">The Fellowship of the Ring</a> </i></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><i>There is a light
<br />It burns brighter than the sun
<br />He steals the night
<br />And casts no shadow
<br />There is hope
<br />Should oceans rise and mountains fall
<br />He never fails - excerpt from song </i>Take Heart<i> by Hillsong United </i></b><br />
<br />
<b>"Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of it's sorrows, but only empties today of it's strength." -Charles Spurgeon</b><br />
<br />
We sat down to partake in a cup of warm comfort at the
corner coffee shop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A friend I have
known for a long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who shares my
birthday…and my love for Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her warm
smile and unassuming manner till safe ground…to be honest…raw…and downright
ugly, if need be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We divulge our
triumphs…our failures…and our struggles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She is one of those people who lighten the weight with laughter, tears
and loads of grace…we lay our flawed souls bare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me and my striving and falling and trying to fix things
unfixable and running and hiding from the boogie man always comes down to one
big heaping pile of clumsy chaos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
squeaky clean image on this front.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And she shares her own story of redemption and grace and the
ugly to beauty…and in these precious heart to messy heart moments…I don’t feel
so alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So ashamed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So beyond repair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And this is community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The earth turns and the sun rises beaming rays onto our
table…and in our hearts</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Confession brings those twisted parts of us right into the
light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where lies are extracted and
Truth rips through confusion opening soul eyes to the deepest parts of
reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The blurred lines of grey are
no longer shades…but black and white in the raw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And she doesn’t blink and she doesn’t shrink back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She just says it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I have been searching for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where I have been wrestling with the “how can
I do this when I don’t want to do this and it feels so against the grain of my
flesh and my desire…yet it is the Lord’s will and I know it” question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PEACE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Rachel, the
only thing I can tell you in this is that you’re just gonna have to find peace
in the midst.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Deep heavy exhale…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
TRUTH.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Starts to
unravel angst and I know she is speaking Life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And so the quest for peace begins…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I walk out into the crisp cool morning air and breathe in deep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And embers blaze resolve where the shadows
haunted hope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My inclination is to extinguish the fires of conflict and drive
out discomfort when life’s harmony turns to cacophony…and if I can’t fix it…finding
the nearest exit to flee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hit the eject
button right out of those circumstances or relationships and back into my happy
place.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in efforts to try and escape…I’m caught in a rip tide
searching for stable ground…because there’s always something chasing you when
you’re on the run.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the hurt just
doesn’t go away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so maybe it’s time to stop running…stop fixing…stop managing…and
stop fighting the pursuer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He just might
be a messenger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That needs to be heard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He just might be a beacon of Truth that will
light up the darkness we indulge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
just might be the very fire to consume and purify the hard black dross on our
hearts…purifying…redeeming…and showing us the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus.<span class="highl">”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>–Ephesians
4:6-7</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="highl">It will GUARD my heart and my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Protect it. From all the loud noises of the
world and my own wayward thoughts and fleshly desires and failures…and where
the currents of life have dragged far from comfort and banged up hopes and
dreams…and even when evil stalks and tries to crush…there is Peace to be had in
these places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="highl">For a great king who had been
hunted…committed adultery and murder…lost a child to sickness…dethroned…betrayed
by his son…and abandoned by his people…he knew Peace. “</span>I will say of the LORD, He is
my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." –Psalm 91:2</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Lord IS the eye of the storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do I keep going out into the squall when
shelter is but a bended knee away?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
is the question…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To pray and ask and offer up thanksgiving…it is the life
raft I keep looking away from because I am SO FOCUSED on the STORM.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But oh so gently…God graciously opens my eyes to what has
wormed itself deep into the fabric of my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
FEAR.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I called it
stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I called it anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I called it anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I called it worry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But fear…no…that was for the weak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Overwhelmed…but not fearful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tired…but not timid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh how blind we can be…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And Truth points to Truth points to Truth…when you mine the
written Word…another gem…another promise…another call to bow low.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“<span class="text">But He said to me, </span><span class="woj">“My
grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="text">Therefore I will
boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest
on me.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span class="text">That is
why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-2 Corinthians 12:9-10</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">So really it all comes down to this…that
squeaky clean image that I said wasn’t on this front…yeah right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve stepped right into those gale winds and
torrential rains putting all my faith into my own pink ruffle umbrella.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“How’s it workin’ for ya?” you might
ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s just say ragamuffin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That about sums it up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">And here’s the beauty…the gem…the Truth searing
its way into a ragamuffin heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now
that I can distinguish that floundering weak fearful soul grasping for shelter
and peace and escape…I can also see that the life raft doesn’t move with the
tossing of the sea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a cross…where
a ransom was paid…where a Hero died…and conquered death…all to save a
ragamuffin like me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">And if all the pain and discomfort and fear
and weakness drive me back to the arms of my Savior…they are but mere tools in
a broken world devised to shut down counterfeit pink umbrellas. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>And lay me bare before the True Peace Giver
and Soul Restorer where I can rest…even in the darkest hours.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">So when the power goes out and the storms
are raging…look for the EYE of Hope…right there in the squall…in the battle…in
the heat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s waiting…wooing…with arms
open wide to bring you into a place of rest and shield you from the world’s
fury.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">Kneel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Confess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Give
thanks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Repeat…Repeat…Repeat…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The cool air taunts as the morning frost glistens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Melting into the noon warmth of October
flame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my heart burns Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the haze of today’s horizon fades away with
beaming promises blazing Glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"There is no way to peace along the way of safety. For
peace must be dared, it is itself the great venture and can never be
safe. Peace is the opposite of security. To demand guarantees is to
want to protect oneself. Peace means giving oneself completely to God's
commandment, wanting no security, but in faith and obedience laying the
destiny of the nations in the hand of Almighty God, not trying to
direct it for selfish purposes. Battles are won, not with weapons, but
with God. They are won when the way leads to the cross."- Dietrich Bonhoeffer
</div>
</div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-30063237903822796552013-10-03T09:29:00.000-07:002013-10-03T15:12:59.145-07:00Exiled<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b>"Sweet mercy is nobility's true badge."-William Shakespear</b><br />
<br />
<b>"If God is Love, He is by definition something more than mere kindness.
And it appears from all the records that though He has often rebuked us
and condemned us, He has never regarded us with contempt. He has paid us
the intolerable compliment of loving us in the deepest, most tragic,
most inexorable sense." - C.S. Lewis, <i>The Problem of Pain</i>.</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The title
above the large 5 perched to the side of the wispy sheet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is chapter 5 of Lamentations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A book reeking devastation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the words quake right off the page.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">A lonely city
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blooming and prosperous, now desolate and bare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The
Israelites exiled.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">They became
prisoners in a foreign land.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slaves of a
foreign people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ripped from their
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their comforts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Their leaders
and family slaughtered and scattered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Starved and ravaged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mocked and
scorned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And shame rankled the hearts of
these wayward souls.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">“There is no
one to deliver us” -Lamentations 5:8. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their
cries swell hallowed hurt…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">…and there
wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was no other country coming
for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To fight for them…protect them…
and take them back to their homeland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There wasn’t anyone who cared for these souls… that they were desolate
and deserted and enduring heinous atrocities.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The searing
pain of their cries resonates real life stories I hear and live every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this broken battered crumbling world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And hot tears surge as I echo their calls…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Mercy.<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Mercy.<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Mercy.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I cry out for
them too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing what it’s like to walk
in the shame of my own rebellion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Wilting in a
steaming mess made by “my own will be done” and constructing towers of Babel
collapsing to rubble.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">He’s taken me
out into the wilderness away from comforts that soothe and secure. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">And let me pass
into raging waters of a ferocious sea.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">He’s let the
burning sands of desert lands expose my spirit drought.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">And taken
away earthly treasures precious to me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I’ve felt
lost…forgotten…alone and unloved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Longing for rescue and relief.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I hear their
bitter cries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pleading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hurting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Faint of heart.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Who will save
them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For there is “no one to deliver
us”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">He had to let
them know…<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Who could</b>…for He loved
them more than He loved their “happiness”…for it did not include Him…and in the
end…their “happiness” was counterfeit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its
dividends intoxicating right to the grave. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">“For
the Lord will not reject forever,</span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
<span class="text"><span id="en-NASB-20387">For if He causes grief,</span></span><br />
<span class="text">Then He will have compassion</span><br />
<span class="text">According to His abundant lovingkindness”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>–Lamentations 3:31-32</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">God Alone
Saves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did then and He does now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For He “is the same yesterday and today and
forever” –Hebrews 13:8.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I will sing it to the end of my days for
it has been my song of Saving Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Liberating
my soul and opening my eyes to deep fountain joys…even in the darkest places.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">September 28
marked one year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What God has done in one
year has been nothing short of glorious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The healing from hardship and patience from endurance has been one big
boot camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And bulldozing pride barriers
to ripping up heart weeds has tilled new soil in deep places where He has
brought the rain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">“Restore us
to You, O Lord, that we may be restored” -Lamentations 5:21.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">And He doesn’t
stop short of deliverance…He restores.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I love here where it says He starts…”US to YOU”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He restores us to Himself…that we may be
restored.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
Beginning…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To Real Life living…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">May restoration
and Grace thrive in our broken places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>May God deliver us from our bondage and rescue us from the rubble of our
own wrecking ball.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May He walk with us
in foreign wastelands where currents of life have carried us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May we bow low before His light so we can see
His work and beauty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And may we run to
Him after we fall so that shame does not blot out His tender mercies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">And when you
feel alone and hope is waning and the day's light is grey…cry out to the
Deliverer…mercy….mercy…mercy….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He WILL
come for you...and rescue you…right where you are.</span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-36691525416678624012013-09-18T11:41:00.000-07:002013-09-18T11:41:16.796-07:00Blessed is the Rubbing of Metal<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span class="text">“To love at all is to be vulnerable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love anything and your heart will be wrung
and possibly broken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to make
sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and
little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless,
airless, it will change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will not be
broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…The only place
outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from the dangers and
perturbations of love is Hell.”</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<b><span class="text"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">--C.S.
Lewis, <i>The Four Loves</i></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/14816053"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></a></i></span><i><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></i><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t want to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I didn’t want to let go of the offense committed against me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of the stinging wound that tore right
thru.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of the injustice raging deep into
the seething fire of my core.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It wasn’t fair…it wasn’t right…and my heart screamed justice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it also wasn’t mine to make right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is His.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all have those messy hard relationships…that seem to rub
like metal on metal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when they’re
someone you love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone you long to have
peace and ease with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then there are
the ones who are just there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right in
the middle of your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stirring anxiety
with conflict around every corner and you just want peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
then there’s you…me…rubbing someone else’s metal bloody raw.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In proverbs there is a word for it… </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text">“As iron sharpens iron,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text">so
one person sharpens another.” –Proverbs 27:17</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">…from one person to another.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">Much to be learned from the ancient penning
of wisdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something greater and more
beautiful than I ever imagined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">There is purpose in those hard
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beauty to be had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If only we would be willing to die to
ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">For He is right there in the middle of the
messes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bleeding the ugly right
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bringing it under the scope of
truth and all that hides in the dark parts of our hearts is exposed with the
rubbing and clashing and erupting of self.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">Sparks fly as the dull pieces are gleamed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">Because if the crusade is for rightness and
not righteousness…all is lost. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">God made us for fellowship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First and foremost with Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then our neighbor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So that we might experience unfathomable love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a gift.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">Expectations marred a very precious
relationship in my life growing up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
it took me a long, long time to get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>And
I don’t know if I really every got him…but what I do know is that I stopped
trying to pick cherries from an apple tree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I could step back and look at the wonder of the fruit…and let it be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m talking about my dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I grew up believing I lived in some once upon a time land that violently
clashed with reality and stirred up all kinds of deception in my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought my dad was supposed to be some prince charming who
rode horses and played a stringed instrument and asked me about all my feelings
and understood a profoundly complicated young adolescent girl who didn’t
understand herself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so my frilly image and the actuality of who God made my
dad to be were at war with each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
kept trying to fit him into a mold that he was not divinely shaped for and I
was grieving inside believing a vicious lie that he didn’t love me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because if he did love me our relationship
would look like my picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it
looked like a train wreck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wouldn’t
let go of my dream to really see my dad for the unique and wonderful man that
he is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And sadly it took me years to uncover the lie and see my own
reasons for holding onto a dead dream.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
thought that if the dream never came true…I would never have a part of my heart
healed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what I didn’t know…is that no dream or fairy tale prince
could ever fill that “deep longing which is a part of the grace given to Eve to
drive her to the River of Life” –<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Captivating</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had set my object of affection on something
that was never meant to be God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In time…the Lord opened up my eyes to the madness and mended
the wounds and killed the expectations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I’m so thankful for the grace of my dad who put up with all that
nonsense. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And never went away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m so thankful that my dad is not my
creation…he is His…”<span class="Heading5Char"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">
</span></span><span class="text">fearfully and wonderfully made</span>” –Psalm 139:14.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">So in the bloody battlefields of hard
relationships ordained by Grace…God calls me to lay down my arms and surrender
my will and exercise love…even when I don’t want to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially when it is undeserved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">Because that is what He does for me over
and over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mercy and
Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Covering me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">Called to humble myself…the mess maker of
all things…to the Healer of all things...and honor Him by honoring the
beautiful soul graciously brought into my life to bring Him glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he does it for my good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Self can never cast out self, even in the
regenerate man.” –Andrew Murray</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">To live with a heart full of submission
rather than reaction takes incredible restraint…and humility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To turn to kindness and grace in the face of
accusation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To turn the other cheek in
the wake of a lashing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don’t know
about you, but when I get slapped in the face…the last thought in my mind is to
offer another shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Swimming upstream in
a torrid current seems more attainable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">But seeing our eyes full of planks is no
small feat either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">And. They. Are. Full.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think the word Jesus calls me is a…”hypocrite” –Matthew 7:5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes…yes indeed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I confess…I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ugly messy heart bleeding out in the face of
scripture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">Blessed is the rubbing of metal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The uncomfortable rawness of pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lain bare before the Scar Bearer and Soul Healer
who longs to make it all right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">We are called to take up our crosses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As He did on Calvary’s hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>Nails plunged through flesh hanging
bare and bleeding red.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Insults hurled
while saliva showers poured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His most trusted friends denied and deserted
Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And still He spoke the words, “Father,
forgive them, for they know not what they do” –Luke 23:34.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For He knew the depth of depravity that loomed
inside the fallen man…yet his love and mercy are offered here...at the cross of
death for life…in place of wrath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
what He came for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ultimate Fairytale Savior…but this One…
is the Real Deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
***It's Rick's birthday this Saturday. We will be going to see him and hug him tight and celebrate the gift that he has been to all of us. If you have a second...drop him a card or note of encouragement. Address in the column to the right.***
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-65975062790317168292013-09-06T09:47:00.000-07:002013-09-06T18:18:18.470-07:00Wide Open Spaces<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><b>From the movie <i>The Princess Bride</i></b>
</div>
<b><u><span class="character"><span style="color: blue;">Buttercup</span></span></u>: You mock
my pain. </b><br />
<b><u><span class="character"><span style="color: blue;">Man in Black</span></span></u>: Life
is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. </b><br />
<br />
<b>Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of
knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of
all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ. Philippians 3:8</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my
weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.<span class="p"> -2Corinthians 12:19</span> </b></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ahhhhhhh….my daughter is off to preschool and for the first
time in months I have a few hours of uninterrupted time to sit and think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A bit of silence devoid of pause is a tall
glass of water for this thirsty heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have missed my quiet time at my keyboard spilling out life
onto wide open spaces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have yearned
for it even.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is something about
expelling hurt that changes the shape of pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>From deep quaking despair…to carved out wonder taking the form of
something beautiful and meaningful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
sharing it has made all the difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have really struggled at times with sanity this summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living in a house with another family of 5
and having 6 kids running and screaming and making messes and doing what joyful
young kids do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just trying to survive
the whirlwind of parenting alone and the constant needs and demands and chaos
while running the day to day household duties and dealing with broken cars and
worrying about how the Lord’s going to provide and rarely having a moment to
myself to just decompress.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it has not always been pretty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like I’m failing on a regular basis
and really that I don’t even have the strength or capacity to handle all the
Lord has put on my plate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many nights I
have gone to bed yearning for some solitude and serenity but I have 3 little
monkeys full of fun all in my bedroom and I am still on the clock and nearing
the edge of the cliff crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I just
want to cry and scream and run away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel achingly alone some days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
one person who knows me best and loves me whole heartedly and has shown me so
much grace and who is my partner in life…I can only talk to for less than 10
minutes a day and see about every 5 weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so sometimes I even find
myself shut down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apathetic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just trying to manage the pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And pleading with the Lord to spare my children from the
wounds of my hurtful tone or bursting anger because I just can’t hold it
together anymore or my neglect because I just need to zone out or I’ll implode. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the Lord is always faithful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Restoring my patience when there is no
silence…renewing my strength when I’m worn thru…and pouring out His healing
grace when all seems to have fallen to bits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">And when I look into the eyes of my precious children and seek their forgiveness...the hurt melts away and I am humbled and beyond grateful for His tender mercies. He is t</span>eaching me who He is and who I am not and what I can’t do…He can.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He IS ENOUGH!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And HE
is ALL I NEED!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t fix it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
can’t fix me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the only one who can
fix all of it is my sweet, sweet Rescuer and Redeemer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Working on my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even in the vast pain and failures and wayward heart of his beloved
child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not because of anything I’ve ever
done…but because He is so amazingly good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here is where I try and rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To let go of my caustic desire to be in
control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And surrender all that I think I
need…even my most precious solitude…and just trust in Him and His perfect will
and plan for my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Entering into His
precious blessings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The summer has been full of life and death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many things the Lord has shown me thru the
lives and suffering of people I love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
beloved grandmother suffered well to the very end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She went to
be with Jesus August 4<sup>th</sup>…and although it was a very sad day…to lose
her to a vicious cancer…it was such a joy to celebrate her life and her heart
and what a beautiful blessing she has been to so many people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a perfect woman…but a redeemed woman…full
of Grace…with a lifesong that impressed on many souls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s the <b><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://thewrongsideofthedoor.blogspot.com/p/dear-grandmommy-i-sit-here-writing-and.html" target="_blank">letter</a></span></b> (click word letter to view...still trying to figure out how to link correctly) I wrote her that she read 2
days before her passing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick is scheduled to be released to a halfway house in
Dallas on January 6.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are on the count
down!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will stay there 6-8 weeks and
then transition to home confinement until May when he is officially done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Praise the Lord!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His days are spent mostly outside exercising or under the
shade of a tree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The buildings have tile
floors echoing noise with plastic chairs for lounging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The air is a cool 85 degrees with the
lingering smell of boy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dorms have
3 tiered bunk beds and are packed into a room where about 50 inmates cozy up…talk
about no solitude… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has been reading
books sent by some of you all that he has really enjoyed, so thank you!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And for the outpouring of letters and
magazines and words of encouragement.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They stopped giving him his meds all together for a few
weeks but have started back up and he is receiving at least 2 of the three
medications that he needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ve never
given him what his doctor had prescribed for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re praying that with him losing weight and
exercising this will be good enough until he can get back to his regular doctor
in a few months.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He plays pinochle, some kind of card exciting card game, and
they have tournaments...which kinda makes me giggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few weeks back there was a big riot in the
main part of the prison behind the razor wire and he could hear shots being
fired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A couple of hundred inmates had
to go to the “hole” which is like solitary confinement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a tiny room with a toilet and usually
holds 2 prisoners per room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because so
many were involved in the riot, they assigned 4 per room and Rick had to make sandwiches
for these guys every day for a couple of weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then they shipped them all out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was on a basketball league that apparently didn’t go well
because the guys were pushing and shoving Rick around a little and so his “crazy”
came out and it became more of a football game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think most of the guys there were in shock because Rick always keeps
his cool and stays away from everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Needless to say…he quit the basketball team because he said he’s not
mature enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think some of the guys
were a little disappointed because it was kinda like live reality TV when Rick
would get on the courts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He says the days are long…his heart hurts when he thinks
about how much he is missing and being away from his family and playing with
his kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He hugs them tight and gives
many kisses and we soak as much of him as we can when we go to visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is always so hard leaving him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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It amazes me how much he can laugh at in that horrible
place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talk about the dysfunctions of
people and weird ways they try and exert some kind of control or normalcy in there…
and even when the other guys are mean to him in their madness…he always makes a
story of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He spends most of his time trying to share the love and hope
of Christ to these men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who need Hope so
desperately and have none.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who need
GRACE to really be free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Lord is
using him as a blessing and it is beautiful to hear about and see the light
behind his eyes as he shares it with me.<br />
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My husband is not the same man he was when he left almost a
year ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a better man…a wiser
man…and a stronger man…who is freer today than the day he walked through those heavy
doors of shame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the Lord has not
abandoned him…He has LOVED him enough to take away all the temporal things that
he has loved more…and given more of HIM.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And HE is enough! </div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-63322258258041984632013-07-18T15:37:00.000-07:002013-11-22T12:00:45.242-08:00She was Only 12<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b>Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. -Psalm 90:12</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. -Lamentations 3:31-33</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>“There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still.”
<br /> ―
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/102203.Corrie_ten_Boom">Corrie ten Boom</a> </b></div>
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<br /></div>
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It was a beautiful service in so many ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bright pink colored T-shirts with the words
“Sydney’s Sweets” were worn by many who had rallied to raise money for her
cause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Memories brandished tables with
pictures and her favorite things all telling the story of her young life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Biking
and skiing and boating and swimming with dolphins and playing with her brother
and going to concerts with friends and lying asleep on her daddy and making
silly faces with her mom and playing with her new puppy who loved her so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A beautiful life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taken away much too young….for she was only 12.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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I remember the day her mom came over to tell me that
something was wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was last year
with less than two weeks of school left till the much anticipated summer break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was blow drying my wet hair, which I do in
sections, and my youngest son came in to tell me someone was knocking on the
door and wouldn’t go away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him
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it would frizz.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Priorities, right?</div>
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<br /></div>
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But he seemed a bit anxious and concerned so I stepped
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<br /></div>
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“Sydney has cancer” were the first words out of her mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It is bad, really bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s in her brain and spine and the prognosis
is grave.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was absolutely stunned…I felt the air sucked right out as life’s mortality plunged
a knife through my heart. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I have taken
this little girl home for the past couple of years from school and gotten to
know her and her little brother has been one of my son’s close buddies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has been over to my house swimming and
eating ice cream and playing with Arista when she was a baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is the sweetest, most polite, gentle
little girl that I’ve ever met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Long
wavy brown hair tumbling down her back with big brown beautiful eyes bursting with
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always said please.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always said thank you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always looking for a way to make you
smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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How could this be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How, Lord?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could this happen?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next words my sweet friend said was, “I
am about to go through something that no parent should ever have to go through.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tears filled my eyes as the reality sank in,
but she wouldn’t have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said we
all had to be strong for her daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To fight for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
believe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sydney fought for her life for 13 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t see much of her in person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I respectfully kept my distance and stayed on
my knees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pleading with the Lord to heal her body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pleading with the Lord to cover their family
in Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pleading for good to come from
the horrific suffering that this family was walking through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pleading for God to show Himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For anger and bitterness and despair to not have
their way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And for the “peace that
passes all understanding” to fill their hearts so they would be comforted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her dad posted updates on their Caringbridge website…a page
we all hope we never have to have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
posted pictures of her when she was little and current pictures of her as she
was going through treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The tumor robbed the left side of her body of
its functions and the steroids gave her a rash and caused her face to swell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The radiation and chemo took her beautiful
locks of hair, but she always mustered up a smile for the camera.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And she persevered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cannot imagine being 12 and having to go through something
so devastating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the thing that
breaks my heart into a million pieces is the fact that she never
complained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She kept telling her parents how sorry she was
that she was putting them through this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An
amazingly sensitive soul at such a young age enduring suffering with dignity
and grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Incredibly convicting…and
unbelievingly inspiring…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right before Rick left, my friend came over so we could talk
about the next year in carpooling and the turn that had taken in our own
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rick, in true “Rick” fashion,
asked her a lot about how she was coping and surviving and what it was like to
walk that road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember her answer
kinda just blew me away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You just have
to keep living life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could either rock
myself in a corner, or get up and do what I gotta do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We take it one day at a time.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And isn’t that really what we all have?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One day at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t hold the future…we don’t hold the
past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can only live in the moments
that are gifted to us by the Author of Life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And maybe that’s where He is. In these
present moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe that’s where the Grace that covers the
horrors and brokenness and grief and loss stands waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In abounding love and blessings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To heal our wounds and bind up our broken
hearts and satisfy the deepest chasms of longing that entomb our pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People say that my neighbor is “one strong lady”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the word strong…what does it mean to be
strong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I suspect that she
probably didn’t feel strong as her world was falling apart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t imagine that you would if you had a
child being ravaged by a menacing disease and there was nothing you could do to
fix it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She was determined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She was courageous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And she is a
fighter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All choices she made…one day at
a time…to live the last days of her daughter’s life with all that she had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their family traveled all over the country
swimming with dolphins in Hawaii and going to New York City and Seattle and skiing
in Colorado and all kinds of other adventures filling their hearts with memories
and meaning that they will carry with them until the end of their days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have loved their daughter with a fierce
and sacrificial love and it has been beautiful to watch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all want to believe that we could get through it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all want to believe that the things that
happen to us in life are not the things that define us…they are the things that
shape us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was heartbreaking to watch
this young and beautiful life, not only taken so young, but suffer with such a wretched
illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But even as it deprived her of
every ounce of physical life…it never took her sweet spirit...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So when life has smashed your dreams into pieces and taken
away precious gifts that have brought joy and when your family falls apart and
you find yourself in financial disaster…when your own decisions have led you
into a dark corner of calamity and when you feel lost and afraid and out of
control…what do you do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do you
recover?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Living “one day at a time”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the present of His presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In His Grace that carries us through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And sowing our tears into the heart of a Savior who redeems, restores,
and heals up all those bleeding heart wounds creating new life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text"><sup>5 </sup>Those who sow with tears</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text">will reap with songs of joy.</span><br />
<span class="text"><sup><span id="en-NIV-16122">6 </span></sup>Those who go out
weeping,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text">carrying seed to sow,</span><br />
<span class="text">will return with songs of joy,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text">carrying
sheaves with them. –Psalm 126:5-6</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text">For one day… “H</span>e will wipe away
every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be
mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”
Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true. ” –Revelations
21:4-5</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Goodbye, sweet Sydney. You have have been a blessing to so many. May the Lord continue to bless others through your life and your story. And I pray that one day...we'll meet again... </div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-76688421483729897262013-06-20T16:32:00.002-07:002013-06-20T16:39:50.018-07:00And the WALLS came tumbling down<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b>"When the trumpets sounded, the army shouted, and at the sound of the
trumpet, when the men gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so everyone
charged straight in, and they took the city." -Joshua 6:20</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b>"If loving other people is a bit of heaven then certainly isolation is a bit of hell, and to that degree, here on earth, we decide in which state we would like to live." -Don Miller, <i>Blue Like Jazz</i></b><br />
<br />
<b>“The true story of every person in this world is not the story you see,
the external story. The true story of each person is the journey of his
or her heart.”
<br /> ―
John Eldredge,
</b><i><b>
The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God</b>
</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A man
with a tender heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Desiring to help people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Know people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He thrives on generosity…even when he has nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when it might cost him dearly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s always giving of himself in service and
friendship and jumps in headfirst when it comes to relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love that about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s one of the many things I love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Father’s day weekend in the visitation room of prison fills
full and heavy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rick sat with us talking
and laughing and loving his precious little gems who give him the honor and privilege
of being a dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is their brave hero,
protector, and playmate who they love and trust. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they see a man redeemed by Saving Grace
being refined and chiseled and although painful...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">growth is a beautiful thing to see. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick leaned with his back up against the wall unusually
quiet and pensive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching the men all around with their children
and families acquainted with many of their stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the ones who didn’t come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fathers who sat in their bunks trying to
block out the pain of separation from the most important people in their lives aching
to be with them …pierced by the dull drone whisper that surely <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>their own choices had caused the rift…gaping
hollow wounds oozing so much regret.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then he saw them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Eyes brimming tears and lips quivering, he gulped back tears of joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A father reunites with his son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A son who doesn’t come to see him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ashamed by his sins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ashamed that the perfect pretty canvas
painted of their family was exposed counterfeit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the picture was more important than the
man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A man who had raised him and taught
him right from wrong and loved him unconditionally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A man who has repented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deep regret and sorrow as he turns and looks
back…at the shadows and lurking lions of temptation waiting to pounce.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rocky is his name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A humble
looking chap probably in his sixties with the warmest smile in the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He hugged his boy…and his grandson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then his daughter-in-law with a swollen belly of new
life and blessings to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rocky was a top executive who had embezzled a lot of money
from a monster corporation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I met him
and his wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He reminded me of my sweet
granddaddy who was the kindest and jovial of men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He has three grown boys who have been disgraced by him and
the stigma brought upon the family name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And so they don’t come to see him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And Rick says he talks about these boys as if they are the light of the
moon and is so proud of them…and so sorry for what he’s done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rocky got greedy and disillusioned and had a job
that made it easy…and he fell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It doesn’t happen with a single choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t walk into a life of destruction with
eyes wide open and plans to crush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
slow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And seductive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each barrier of truth broken down by small
seeds of corrupted desire and twisted hope until the lines seem fuzzy...and the
heart is numb.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How many times have we walked a road with a smile on our
face and a skip in our step knowing all the while that something…something isn’t
right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And sometimes it’s on the grandiose
scale of measurable filth like dollars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And then sometimes it’s the black hole of bitterness sucking every ounce
of joy right out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And what of the face of a prisoner?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>High walls of razor wire and steel lock down
the physical being that souls are temporarily housed in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And does that change the heart of a man?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what about those that can’t forgive?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The broken hearted that build protective
barriers higher after every hurt…every loss…every disappointment barricading
themselves in their self made fortress…keeping out the only true healing heart
medicine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The walls don’t heal….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so Rocky serves out his 5 year sentence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not drowning in the sorrows of his wayward
past or even his current state of affairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He fixes his eyes on the true Redeemer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The only Hope we really have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
lays down his own hopes and dreams and plans of what his life could have been
and even what’s to come…and surrenders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
his son…his joy…walks in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And our hearts
melt and the only real response for such a time as this is praise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Praise His sweet Name!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For He makes all things new.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the WALLS came tumbling down…<br />
<br />
<br />
***On another note***<br />
Jason aka "Gypsy" who I wrote about in my last blog post <a href="http://thewrongsideofthedoor.blogspot.com/2013/05/a-twisted-rose.html" target="_blank">A Twisted Rose</a>, has just arrived at a halfway house in <b>Austin, TX</b>. I'm not sure of all his needs right now because he is still getting set up with an email and such. But I know he needs a job. He's into fitness and Rick said he'd be good in sales. I'm sure he's open to any opportunity. Please email me at rachpayne@verizon.net or call me if you have any contacts for him or know of anyone who can help. And thank you to all who already have stepped up and offered! I feel the Lord calling us into a ministry that I never would have entered in on my own...but there is something sweet and exciting and wonderful to be a part of helping these people. Only can explain it by Grace. Won't you be apart? </div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-59883009809133692842013-05-29T18:19:00.001-07:002013-05-29T18:19:23.587-07:00A Twisted Rose<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></strong><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">He offered her a
rose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was his son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bringing the white tissue twisted gift
resembling God’s thorny jewel of the earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Beautiful and delicate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Carefully
crafted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But she wouldn’t take it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She doesn’t like attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She doesn’t trust strangers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And gifts do not entice my wary little girl.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">His name is “Gypsy”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least that’s what Rick calls him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s Romanian with a big smile and a long
banded ponytail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s been in for 1o
years and will finally walk free in a couple of weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His little girl was our daughter’s age when
he was taken away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has four children
now teenagers and young adults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His 21
year old son visiting had grown up seeing his father inside the walls of an
institution.</span> <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A first time
offender slapped with a harsh sentence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little children left without their
father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Father’s missing out on the
lives of their children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Families broken
and destroyed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Same story over and over
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
</div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">We sat in the
courtyard and they threw a football to our boys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Laughing and running and teaching them how to
position their arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A beautiful picture
of humanity. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A beautiful picture of
Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Gypsy’s been Rick’s “personal
trainer” for the last few months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s
done a wonderful job, I must say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rick’s
lost quite a bit of weight working out most of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His skin glows bronze from the hot sun on
those dusty plains blazing red.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he
was telling me the little bit that Gypsy had shared with him about his
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never stops hurting to hear the story
of brokenness and injustice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I sat musing .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole scene seemed surreal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joy and sadness intermingled in the hope of
what is to come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sweet father and
son, now young man, sitting together and bonding and engaging with my kids in
such a kind and thoughtful way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wondering
what it must be like to know that you will be walking into a new world with
nothing and a family that has fallen apart and children who hardly know you and
starting all over with a felony attached to your name and the baggage from
being institutionalized and 10 years of life and youth now gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet the promises of freedom within reach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new life…a new hope…a new dawn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">And who will give
this man mercy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What kind of a chance
does he really have in picking up the pieces and getting a good job and making
a decent living and reconnecting with his family?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And living for 10 years in a hostile environment
where it is not safe to be vulnerable and you have to shut down the parts of
your heart that feel compassion and longing and desire just to survive…how do
you find a new safe place…where not only you are free, but so is your heart?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I loved watching my
husband interact with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could tell
he cares about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He can’t help but
care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His tender heart has definitely been
beaten down and calloused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But Grace has
been reshaping those bent places and turning beauty out and I know God is using
him to touch the lives of those wrecked and hardened men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when he can’t see it…even when it rubs raw…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Gypsy didn’t give up
on Arista.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He kept wooing her and making
roses for her and telling her how beautiful she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Five hours of patient persistence, always
from a distance, and she finally gave him a smile and a “thank you”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A rare offering from this guarded little lady. He had won her over.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The last few months
have been daunting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mountains of hard
messy life piling high and raging storms obscuring the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I'm finally understanding that The Way is not a path <b>thru</b>
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a Person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And although I may not see where I’m going
and what lies ahead, He knows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
authors the way.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Despair held me
hostage because I was looking for a way out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fear was paralyzing me because I was looking directly at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But Grace has picked me up and is carrying me
through because I finally said, yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Your will be done. “</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">There is nothing
like the love of Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>NOTHING.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And maybe sometimes God lets us sink into
deep grief hopeless nights to see how black it is without Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feasting on sorrows never felt so empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Earthly comforts turn to dust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And all you’re left with is a broken bleeding
spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then Grace blasts in and the
reality of His love and what it is fills that holy empty space and it is absolutely
extraordinary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beyond description.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Outside of words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Renewing and reviving and healing and
redeeming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Pain pours the
illusion of control right out of the heart so Grace can enter in and save us
from ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">He
is faithful…He is forgiving…He is merciful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> He pursues and romances. Patiently waiting for His beloved's heart. To give all that He has...all that He is...and fiercely loving us right where we are. </span>“For I am convinced that neither death nor
life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any
powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be
able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –Romans
8:38-39</span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-14145105741201229122013-05-10T13:43:00.001-07:002013-05-10T13:43:38.654-07:00When Patience has Run Out...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>"What then are we to do about our problems? We must learn to
live with them until such time as God delivers us from them. We must pray for
grace to endure them without murmuring. Problems patiently endured will work
for our spiritual perfecting. They harm us only when we resist them or endure
them unwillingly."-<i>A.W. Tozer</i></b></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suffering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A great
teacher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Depth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And who we really are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
relentless revealer of one’s true heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And the great humbler of all time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A thread connecting souls throughout time and space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whose tears mark the ground of a hallowed
road.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And lately I have been combating it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wanting to evict it from my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And even when it won’t depart…trying to
manage the pain it bestows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I came across a truth like a banner waving in a place of
refuge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For my heart to come seek and
rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<b>Patience is a willingness to
suffer</b>” –Ann Voskamp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All the angst sucking life dry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shutting out blessing and killing joy in the
here and now and thinking I know better and yet still not being able to do
better because I am a fallen daughter of Eve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who believes that God is holding out on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my lack of trust only creates a surging
sense of panic and fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I have
traded truth for lies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A pattern born in
the very beginning, “they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped
and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever.”
Romans 1:25</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I always thought patience was somewhat like endurance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had to be exercised to increase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trials taught patience and enlarged our
capacity for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But let me tell you
what I’ve learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My patience…at least
my own flesh driven patience…has not been getting any stronger...or
better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, it had just about run
dry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And out of that empty space
unleashed a “control monster”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With a
response of anger and intolerance and wanting to give up…because all was not as
I wanted it to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was unwilling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
have it God’s way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my unwillingness
was unraveling me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I knew it and
hated it and hated myself for letting it happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But was too prideful to surrender …”not my
will, but yours be done.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want
to be crushed even if I needed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t want to be chiseled…even if it would free me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want to bear the heavy cost that
Christ bore for the sake of Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How costly
He is teaching me that it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Offered to
me thru His suffering and pain, but I don’t want anything to do with that
pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just want the prize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what is that prize really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it Him?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or is it His stuff. ..</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The way God choose for the redemption of His people was
through the suffering of His beloved Son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He gave Him as a sacrifice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"For
the wages of sin is death"(Romans 6:23).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they
have to be paid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wrongs have to be
righted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A truth resonating at
the very core of each one of our hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But God…rich in mercy…made another way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For the debt to be fulfilled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Through the horrific death of His perfect and blameless son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For all who would believe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so when Rick calls me saying he is having chest
tightness and shortness of breath and night sweats and they’re still not giving
him his medicine…and when the government takes our tax refund that our family
greatly needed and applied it to Rick’s 2.5 million dollar restitution that he
never even received one penny of…and when my daughter cries at night for her
daddy and I am overwhelmed by the day to day challenges of being a single mom
and living apart from my husband…and when my dearly loved grandmother gets a
grave diagnosis of metastasized melanoma and is in for the fight of her life…my
long standing idea of what patience is proves to be ludicrous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Patience is a
choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can CHOOSE!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This truth serum has been sweet ointment to a
frustrated soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Patience is a
willingness to suffer”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a
willingness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To accept what God has
before me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To wait for the redemption of
pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which may take a lifetime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To trust that God is Sovereign.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That He’s not holding out on me and is doing
a good work in me and our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To let
go of all my ideas and notions of how and when things should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if I know better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because this is not my story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is His.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And it’s His Name that deserves all the Glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And through all of the trials and heartache
and pain…He continues to walk along side us…providing for us…loving us…gently
picking us up as we stumble and fall and lie broken in pieces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pieces that He will pick up and put back
together in a new and beautiful and better way that ONLY Christ can do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Not to us, O LORD, not to us, But to Your name give glory
Because of Your lovingkindness, because of Your truth.” –Psalm 115:1</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the sweet blessings…we all want the blessings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But throwing up my fists and running and
avoiding and turning to the creation to be comforted…rob my soul from the very
life that God wants to abundantly give.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span class="woj"><sup>3 </sup>“Blessed are the poor in
spirit,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup><span id="en-NIV-23239">4 </span></sup>Blessed are those who
mourn,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will be comforted.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup><span id="en-NIV-23240">5 </span></sup>Blessed are the meek,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will inherit the earth.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup><span id="en-NIV-23241">6 </span></sup>Blessed are those who
hunger and thirst for righteousness,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will be filled.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup><span id="en-NIV-23242">7 </span></sup>Blessed are the
merciful,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will be shown mercy.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup><span id="en-NIV-23243">8 </span></sup>Blessed are the pure in
heart,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for they will see God.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup><span id="en-NIV-23244">9 </span></sup>Blessed are the
peacemakers,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for they will be called children of God.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup><span id="en-NIV-23245">10 </span></sup>Blessed are those who
are persecuted because of righteousness,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>-Matthew 5:3-10</span></div>
<br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Patience…the very act of it has begun calming the storms of
my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what it means to bear
my cross.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what it means to
follow Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is where I say “He
is God and I am not”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>This is where the
blessing awaits…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after
me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” –Matthew
16:24<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><i>Sharing a little note from Rick…love that he is keeping his
sense of humor and blessing me with some much needed giggles…</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"Happy Wednesday!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Camp
Sucks, We haven't been able to go in the canoe's yet due to the weather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went on a fieldtrip yesterday to the
zoo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The animals looked no different
than the guys I am bunked with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Camp
wouldn't be so bad if it didn't last so long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What were they thinking?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of
these guys come here every year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their
parents must be divorced or something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
sure do miss you, those 2 little boys, and that noisy little girl that lives
with us too!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope all is well back at
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We'll know next time not to come
back to this camp again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully you
can make it to parents weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can't
wait to see you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are definitely the
prettiest of all! </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I love you every day of the week, every month of the year,
every year of a lifetime, and every moment of eternity!"</span></div>
<br /><br />
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<br />
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-67127047456446153482013-04-26T12:20:00.000-07:002013-04-26T12:24:20.155-07:00Derailed<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">"The wise stand in
wind and pray not so much for the danger to pass but for the fear to flee.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">" <b>-Ann VosKamp</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">"When you know the
call is not to be comfortable but to be Christ-formed, then the answer is
joy." -Ann VosKamp</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">“It's
a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and
if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off
to.” </span></b><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">― J.R.R. Tolkien, <i>The Lord
of the Rings</i></span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"></span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Derailed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s been
me for the past few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The slow burn
of trekking through life’s pain wrecked my will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t help that we’ve all been sick for
the past few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lull of health for the 2 days we went to
see Rick and then once again a new virus was upon us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time the every friendly stomach
bug.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who made himself at home in just
about every member of the household.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
During this time of sickness and recovery and taking care of
little sick ones and trying to take care of myself…I just got too tired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like my heart just started turning to
anger and hopelessness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No quiet times
alone where I could bury my soul in the Living Word of God and soak in His
manna.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To sit in the healing aromas’ of
truth that brings clarity in chaos and hope to the weary soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lying in bed and resting and recovering, my eyes were fixed
on the horrors of the news and the darkness…the kind of terrifying darkness you
don’t <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>imagine in your wildest dreams…descending
on the city of Boston.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The images of the
maimed and the blood spilt on the street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The heartbreaking stories of death and devastation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then in West Texas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Accidental explosions with the same
results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Death and destruction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>More faces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart twisted in grief.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The blackness of night grew darker as I sat there
watching. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Waiting for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if the TV or any human being could give an
answer that would satisfy such horrors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sulking
in the sadness of it all…I slowly feel a deadening of hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An invitation to despair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I unknowingly start to see all the
darkness as the reality…the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
fear rages.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When my focus turns from Light and stares recklessly into
the shadows of darkness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something
happens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it happens quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anger brews fire and patience wanes and my
thirst becomes for earthly remedies like comfort and control and lies start attaching
themselves to my heart and multiplying like cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“This hard heavy sad life will never
end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will be like this forever and
its gonna hurt forever and it’s just too much and I can’t handle any more.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then my purpose becomes a quest for
relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been looking and mulling and sitting and drowning in my
headlight gaze on circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking
at all the challenges and discomforts and annoyances and hurts and chaos and
injustice and unfairness and darkness and death and how it has all gone wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a fog of despair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eyes and heart feel limp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lethargic and lazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A broken record player plays the tune in my
head “I just want it to go away”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over. And
over. And over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve wandered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Into
the black shadowlands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Away from
light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Away from manna.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Manna.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A quest for relief keeps me coming back to my own vices that only bring
temporarily relief and then flee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Leaving a gaping hollow hole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Wanting more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of something that
will never satisfy this thirsty soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
like the ocean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A wet desert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The water is toxic and cannot quench.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every choice is an eternal choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Carrying much weight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Planting seeds in a soul that will either thrive
or wither.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
when I chose different means of self medicating, the searing wound seems to
fester deeper than before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I NEED THE
WORD. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>HIS WORD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LIFE…MANNA…HOPE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
knew it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And for some reason when I get
down so far and numb from the consuming gloom, it is even harder to pick up the
one thing that my soul needs to survive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Despair makes me lazy and weak and indifferent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ultimate spirit slayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank God for His Holy Spirit and that He
lives in me and fights for me and loves me when I can’t do these things
myself!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have always loved the movie The Never Ending Story. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much truth communicated thru allegory and
symbols.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end of the movie after
the world Fantasia had been destroyed by “the nothing”, the empress child is with
the little boy who had been reading her story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In black darkness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asks, “Why
is it dark?” to which she replies, “in the beginning, it is always dark.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She opens her hand which holds a tiny grain
of sand left of her world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
glowing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Illuminating the sweet hopeful
faces of the children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the light undoes
the darkness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because it is what is
real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The darkness melts away in the presence
of light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And sometimes…in the beginning
of grief…it is dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that is not the
end of the story…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"I am the light of the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whoever follows me will never walk in
darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Coming out of sickness and a black fog all around, I finally
had a moment to curl up with my Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Living Word of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
living it’s light it’s real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s
Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It warms the heart and comforts
the grieving soul and breathes hope into a weary wanderer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lighting the way out of the pit of despair…because
it really is a pit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A bottomless one. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if you ever find yourself on the way down…fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With everything you have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To get out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or it will consume you and your life and it’s will is destruction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I sat down with the Lord to finally spill all my fears
and sadness and anger and disbelief over the horror of the world and pain of it
all…he blazingly reminded me how much He loved me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His deep unfailing love and what He did for
me on the cross and what he continues to do, His rich mercy and saving grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truths that enveloped my heart, breaking down
fear and anger damns put up to protect from pain but were starving a soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tears of joy and undeserving gratefulness began
pouring down my cheeks and purging the clench that had taken hold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And His Grace began filling up those parched
places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a God of Love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And He is good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All other darkness melts away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I shared this experience with my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was just the spilling over kinda love you
can’t help but share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because it’s His love that He wants to fill us all up with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Overflowing and abounding.
</span>They asked me how I know when the Lord’s speaking to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I asked them, you know when daddy writes you a letter…you
don’t hear his voice…but you know it’s him talking to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know because you KNOW him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t have to hear his voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know your daddy’s heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The more you know the Lord…the more you read His word and
spend time with Him in prayer and talk to him…the more you’ll recognize His
still small voice that calls to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Woos you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lights the way through
this world because He is Light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keep
your eyes and your heart fixed on Him less you wander.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a dangerous world out there…and even
so, more dangerous, on the battlefield of your own heart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick is...still in jail (that's his update when I ask him how he is).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He says it feels like Chinese water torture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slow and mundane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For it all to be over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
changed his meds which caused him to have shortness of breath to which he has
to go back on his other meds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We sent a letter
to the Congressman who is forwarding to the BOP from his cardiologist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Insisting that he takes the particular meds
they have prescribed for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll
see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We won’t get to see him again until
the last weekend in May.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seems so far
away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kid’s miss him so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arista talks about him the most and sometimes
pretends that he’s here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Heartbreaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love this from Paul Tripp’s <a href="http://www.paultripp.com/articles/posts/the-futility-of-control-and-your-reason-to-rest" target="_blank"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The Futility of Control and Your Reason to Rest</b></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="http://www.paultripp.com/articles/posts/the-futility-of-control-and-your-reason-to-rest" target="_blank"> </a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He knows that at times you’ll be overwhelmed by what’s on
your plate. He knows that his plan will confuse and confound you. And he knows
that real rest can’t be found in understanding. Real rest is found in trust. So
he’s willing to have the conversation with you again and again, and he’s made
sure that his Word assures you of his rule again and again. For just a few
examples, see: </div>
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<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Chronicles%2029:11-12&version=ESV" target="_blank">1 Chronicles 29:11-12</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20103:19&version=ESV" target="_blank">Psalm 103:19</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20115:3&version=ESV" target="_blank">Psalm 115:3</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2021:1&version=ESV" target="_blank">Proverbs 21:1</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2046:9-10&version=ESV" target="_blank">Isaiah 46:9-10</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel%204:35&version=ESV" target="_blank">Daniel 4:35</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%201:11&version=ESV" target="_blank">Ephesians 1:11</a></li>
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<![endif]-->Is your ministry a place of rest? Are you propelled by the
security of your Father's sovereign care? In condescending love, he kneels
before you once again today, face to face, and invites you to find rest where
it only can be found---in trusting him. You can rest in the knowledge that your
Father is wise, powerful, gracious, holy and faithful and his rule is bigger
than all the responsibilities, opportunities, and obstacles that you could ever
face.”
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-28389721195603452022013-04-05T13:45:00.001-07:002013-04-05T13:53:43.423-07:00The Ugly Messy Muck<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b>"That which seems evil, is it a cloud to bring rain, to bring a greater good to the whole of the world? Who would ever know the greater graces of comfort and perseverance, mercy and forgiveness, patience and courage, if no shadows fell over life?" -Ann VosKamp, <i>One Thousand Gifts </i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>"That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."<i> </i>-Ann VosKamp, <i>One Thousand Gifts</i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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Today I write with a weary <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t even really know where to start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Or finish.
</span>The last couple of weeks have been mixed with beauty and sweet blessings
of family and a wedding and ocean waves and dolphins swimming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then the ugly messy muck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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I went to see Rick on the<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 23<sup>rd</sup></span><sup></sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His mother who is a nurse had written a
letter to our congressman in hopes to expedite the allocation of his medications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully, they put an inquiry into the
prison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the prison received the
inquiry, Rick got called to the office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was implied that the fact that his family was pursuing action for his
health and well being would result in negative consequences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was told not to talk about it with
anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not sure if it was a “threat” or
a “warning” because the gentlemen who relayed this information is his counselor
and suppose to be an advocate for him, but nonetheless, it was disturbing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also told me that when a man from the
Health Service Department of the prison chased him down to have him sign the
release of medical information form, he pulled him aside privately and told him
that despite our pleas and efforts, Rick would NOT be receiving any more
medication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also disturbing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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When I first walked in and saw him, I could sense a
fortification in place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Steel armor
protecting his heart necessary for survival.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This made me sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That he has to
walk daily with this weight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took a
little while for him to take it off for our short visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But slowly it began to melt away, and there
was my sweet husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heart open and raw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fruit of God’s labor induced by suffering
tenderly budding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>New life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Behind that green prison frock and protective
barrier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Reminded me of the book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Secret Garden</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where Mary, who was a
hardened little girl and had suffered much loss, finds a locked door to an
abandoned garden that had withered away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Once a place of life and joy and then a tragedy struck and it was locked
and hidden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as this little girl’s
wonder and connection to this place of death and tragedy grows, she begins to love
and care for the sacred ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then
new life begins to grow and her heart begins to melt and at the end of the
story restoration to the garden, her heart, and broken relationships are
abounding and abundant and beautiful.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I see it happening in my man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the work of the Lord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His gentle and loving hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Behind that wall protecting his heart, there
is Grace at work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hard graces and
painful mercies…growing life right up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The storms rain heavy and fierce, but the Rock anchors faith, and soon
the clouds will part and the sun will shine bright and the birds will sing
Glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
my great army, which I sent among you”( Joel 2:25).</div>
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<br /></div>
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One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the story of
Joseph.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the colored coat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His brothers were jealous of him and plotted
to kill him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, they sold him into
slavery and he was taken to the far off country of Egypt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is here where he became a slave and then a
prisoner for many years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then by
God’s sweet mercy and grace, he brought Joseph out of prison and made him
second in command to Pharaoh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When a
great drought happened in the land, and Egypt had stored up for this event
because God had shown Joseph it would happen, his brothers came down from their
land to seek food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they came before
their brother and realized it was him, they were ridden with fear and guilt. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But Joseph, who had suffered much and yet been
faithful in his trust and walk with the Lord said to them, “As for you, you
meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this
present result, to preserve many people alive” (Genesis 50:20).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God used this act of evil to save a whole
nation.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Rick had a man physically threaten him last week and he had
to show incredible restraint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This man
had been given false information about something Rick did and went after
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the man grabbed Rick’s face
and unleashed his fury, another inmate stepped in and removed this guy’s hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It caused a huge rift in the camp for a few
days between races because the guy who went after him was African-American and the guys
defending Rick were African-American and apparently there is some kind of race loyalty
system in prison which Rick never adheres to because he has friends in every
circle and sort of shakes up the system in doing this and then when some kind
of confrontation goes down…loyalty is to a person…not a faction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’m so proud of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
courage…his strength…his cross bearing walk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For Christ says “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and
take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Carrying that cross is crushing at times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And some days when I feel that I can’t carry
even one more ounce of life…He piles it on thick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Respite comes with knees bent and head bowed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when I am spent and all reserves are
emptied out…He can fill with what really blesses and sustains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Removing growing cancers in hidden heart
places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To bring in healing and
restoration. To bring joy.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus knows our plight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He knows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The LORD was pleased
To crush Him, putting Him to grief; If He would render Himself as a guilt
offering, He will see His offspring, He will prolong His days, And the good
pleasure of the LORD will prosper in His hand” (Isaiah 53:10).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Jesus said, “I have said these things to
you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But
take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has OVERCOME. The heartbreak the burdens the sorrows the tears. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So as I navigate thru the ugly waters of hard circumstances…and
when He calls me to graces that I want to run from because bloody wounds scream
justice…I will remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Grace afforded to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His nail pierced hands and flesh ripping scourges
and life beaten to a bloody pulp and then put on display as breath labored and
death crept in oh so slowly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A sacrifice…a
gift…a ransom paid for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God in eternity looked upon me, foreseeing
my faultiness, my pride, my sin and said,</b> ‘<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I want that man in my family. I will pay for him to be in my family
with my Son’s life.’ That’s love, folks. That is mega, off-the-charts love</b>
…” –John Piper<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-5963954576311612122013-03-22T11:23:00.001-07:002013-03-22T19:13:00.846-07:00The Flood<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was
outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man
playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never
opened his eyes.<br /><br />After that I liked jazz music.<br /><br />Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.<br /><br />I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened.”
<br /> ―
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4829.Donald_Miller">Donald Miller</a>,
<i>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/10352">Blue Like Jazz</a>
</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was 33 years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A man in the camp prison with Rick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He died this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one knows why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was having symptoms and going to the
health clinic every 2 or 3 weeks…whenever they were able to see him…and had no definitive
diagnosis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just new symptoms…more waiting…and
apparently he was getting sicker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it
wasn’t until he was critical…beyond help…that they took him to the
hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was a talented artist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A broken soul at a
broken place paying a debt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now he’s
gone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart sank when Rick told me this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fear creeping in like a dark shadow consuming
hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our last visit was a couple of weekends ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It started off bad from the beginning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our plane was late taking off Friday night so
we didn’t get into Midland until late and then almost got ran off the road by
two dueling trucks carrying out their road rage as we traveled the long narrow
highway to Big Spring.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We got to the hotel after midnight and had a hard time
getting out the door in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
arrived at visitation right at 9:30am in which they told us they stopped taking
inmates at 9:30 so they could do “count”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is where they call the men to stand by their bunks and take inventory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently it takes awhile because we had to
sit there for about 50 minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The guard who informed me of this was about as sweet as a rotten
lemon and had the grace of a venomous snake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He got up in my face with a smirk and an invitation to spar to which I
responded in my finest British accent, which always makes things sound more
polite, that all was well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wanted...To…Hurt…Him….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Rick finally came in we were all so happy to see
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But tired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids were restless and edgy and it took
me awhile to calm down after that shot of adrenalin anger poison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His skin was ravaged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Scabs and red rash remnant covered his arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was still itching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently it can take weeks if not months
for the scabies itch to stop. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was
a man who came in on crutches who recently lost a couple of his toes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do you lose a couple of toes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where’s the accountability?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My 8 year old son, Saxon, recently got an expander and
braces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The expander is a piece of
hardware on the top of his mouth that enlarges the palate so his teeth have
more room.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick and I were watching him chow down on some Dorito chips
and thrusting about 5 whole ones in his mouth at the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We started laughing as he was grinning and
shoving to make them all fit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then all
of the sudden, he stood up with a look of horror and no sound or breath coming from
his mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m asking him if he’s okay
and if he can breath and he’s not responding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He starts making a noise like he’s gagging and is falling into chairs
and the guard, who stepped away from his porn surfing, runs over and performs
the Heimlich maneuver right there before an audience of 100 inmates and their
families and then Saxon vomits all over the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course I get another nice pump of adrenaline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Poor Saxon was quiet and somber the rest of
the visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was scared and embarrassed
and worn out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His daddy comforted him on
his lap and he soaked it up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next morning we only had a few hours to see him before
we headed back to the airport.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
day light savings change and we lost an hour so we were struggling to get there
by 9:20am as we had been instructed to do so that we wouldn’t have to wait an
hour to see him while they did “count”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I walked in the door at 9:19 and filled out my paperwork and turned it
in and then sat down and waited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He hadn’t come in by 9:35 so I went to ask the guard what
was up and he gave me the spiel about not taking prisoners after 9:30 in which
I replied that we had been there early and the day before they had told me to
get here by 9:20 in which I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another
guard comes over telling me that I wasn’t there on time and that we’ll have to
wait and then lays into my attire claiming that my velour drawstring pants were
sweat pants and I was lucky I wasn’t kicked out because you’re not allowed to
wear sweatpants in which I responded these were not sweat pants but nice <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lounge pants</i> and even as I’m trying to
shut myself up continued to inform him of the material and design of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lounge pants</i> and how I was in “code”
with wearing them and that I wasn’t arguing with him but explaining myself and I
kept trying to diffuse the situation as I was getting more dramatic and I just…needed…to
walk…away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please Lord, teach me to walk
away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This defensive heart of mine who
needs to explain and defend myself just…needs…to die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was having a really hard time not freaking out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did exactly what they told me to and wore
what I thought was appropriate attire and then I was being reprimanded by
someone who obviously got off on his little power trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And injustice and anger lit up my heart and it
took everything in me to surrender and walk over to my seat and wait another 45
minutes to see him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just wanted to cry.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The visit was brief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Apparently Saxon’s episode the day before was the big talk of the camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt bummed because of all the drama and emotional
rollercoaster and exhaustion that accompanied our time with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wish we would have laughed more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wish we could hug more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wish there was more time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Coming home always feels like a big load on my back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the hardest things in going thru something
like this is to not become apathetic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
stop caring so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I mean about
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a propensity <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to want to throw my hands up in the air and
say “what’s the point?” and want to lay in my bed and zone out and not think
about anything and just go numb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I know that is fertile ground for depression and
self-destruction and opening up the door to all kinds of decisions that I might
not make if I didn’t feel that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
a killer of joy and hope and deadens the spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s the easy lazy way out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No…the Lord won’t let me go there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His Holy Spirit beckons me and convicts me
when I start to tread those waters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Psalm
69:1-18</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1</b> Save me, O God!</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
For the waters have come up to my neck.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">2</b> I sink in deep mire,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
where there is no foothold;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
I have come into deep waters,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
and the flood sweeps over me.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">3</b> I am weary with my crying
out;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
my throat is parched.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
My eyes grow dim</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
with waiting for my God.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">4</b> More in number than the
hairs of my head</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
are those who hate me without cause;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
mighty are those who would destroy me,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
those who attack me with lies.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
What I did not steal</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
must I now restore?</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">5</b> O God, you know my folly;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">6</b> Let not those who hope in
you be put to shame through me,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
O Lord God of hosts;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
O God of Israel.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">7</b> For it is for your sake
that I have borne reproach,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
that dishonor has covered my face.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">8</b> I have become a stranger to
my brothers,</div>
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an alien to my mother’s sons.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">9</b> For zeal for your house has
consumed me,</div>
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and the reproaches of those who reproach you have fallen on me.</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">10</b> When I wept and humbled my
soul with fasting,</div>
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it became my reproach.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">11</b> When I made sackcloth my
clothing,</div>
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I became a byword to them.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">12</b> I am the talk of those who
sit in the gate,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
and the drunkards make songs about me.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">13</b> But as for me, my prayer
is to you, O Lord.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
At an acceptable time, O God,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving
faithfulness.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">14 </b>Deliver me</div>
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from sinking in the mire;</div>
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let me be delivered from my enemies</div>
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and from the deep waters.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">15</b> Let not the flood sweep
over me,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
or the deep swallow me up,</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
or the pit close its mouth over me.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">16</b> Answer me, O Lord, for
your steadfast love is good;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
according to your abundant mercy, turn to me.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">17</b> Hide not your face from
your servant;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
for I am in distress; make haste to answer me.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">18</b> Draw near to my soul,
redeem me;</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
ransom me because of my enemies!</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt;">
“He commands the flood and
preserves those who walk with Him.” –Jen Wilkin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The waters will recede.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile, I’ll stay afloat in the truth of
His Word and through the lifeline of prayer and the Hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of
Christ and His salvation and redemption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hope born of suffering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“For in
this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for
what they already have?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if we hope
for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our
weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself
intercedes for us through wordless groans.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Romans 8:24-26</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 2.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">God’s got us exactly where he wants us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Scabies, angry guards, injustice, full house, uncertainty, instability, and all. </span>And it's all Grace. He’s recreating and reshaping and fleshing out
what’s beautiful and good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I will
rest in the Grace and Mercy of His love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For “he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the
day of Jesus Christ.” Phil 1:6</span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-50409836120245221142013-03-07T09:21:00.002-08:002013-03-07T09:21:43.910-08:00It's Scabies...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b><span class="arial14">"</span><span class="arial14"><span class="arial14">Grace is but Glory begun, and Glory is but Grace perfected." -Jonathan Edwards</span> </span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span class="arial14">"God will not turn away from doing you good. He
will keep on doing good. He doesn't do good to His children sometimes
and bad to them other times. He keeps on doing good and He never will
stop doing good for ten thousand ages of ages. When things are going bad
that does not mean God has stopped doing good. It means He is shifting
things around to get them in place for more good, if you will go on
loving Him.</span>" -John Piper</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>"And the LORD said, “Do you do well to be angry?" -Jonah 4:4</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scabies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s got
scabies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That red itchy rash that has
been plaguing him since November and slowly spreading over every inch of flesh
is scabies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mites burrowing themselves
deep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Multiplying and multiplying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m furious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can it take so long to diagnose a person
with this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A skin condition that is common
in areas with communal living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should be
a no brainer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s consider the infuriating circumstances…maybe because
it takes him weeks to get into see a physician when he has a medical need…maybe
because the medical staff is completely inept and incapable…or maybe because they
don’t give a flying flip what happens to the souls that are in their care and
trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And if they can’t even diagnose something so common in these
type of living conditions and somewhat obvious in symptoms…do you think they’ll
ever correctly prescribe and fulfill the meds his highly trained doctors and
surgeons who specialize in heart disease have said it is PERTINENT for him to take
in order to stay alive? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they
still haven’t...and they’ve been given his medical records so all they have to
do is READ.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then the treatment for these parasites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They gave him cream to rub over his whole
body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He lathers up and a couple hours
later his skin is ON FIRE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A reaction in
which he’s suppose to seek immediate attention from a doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A doctor that takes weeks to get into see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So yesterday he calls me in tears and
unbearable pain and there’s nowhere to go but wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I call the prison and talk to his counselor
who says there’s nothing he can really do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel so helpless and outraged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anger circles my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like a lion stalking prey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Waiting to devour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in the name of “justice” I want to concur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to feast on the wrongness of it
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I know the dangers lurking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flirt with the beast and my whole spirit will
be aflame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And fire burns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It destroys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need Grace. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rains of
blessing and heart medicine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And today…I hunt for it…and I'll contend with the anger predator in pursuit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to have to put out the smoldering
embers of a victim’s cry to hear Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And bend my knees and bow my head…and cry out for Grace.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To lay down my worthless arsenal of loaded words and
self-righteous claims and surrender.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
empty out poison and drink in Life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because I know the path of rage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve walked on it far too many times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And destruction is always the destination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And self-righteousness is the great allurer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deceiving and blinding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I become all knowing and quick to judge and
quick to question God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when He doesn’t
grant my wishes, because I’ve reduced him to a genie, I’m indignant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A great trap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Right into bondage hell.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The last few weeks have been tense in our home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone’s been sick. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Four adults and six kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Virus after virus circulating around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lack of sleep, aches and fevers, disrupted
schedules and quarantined quarters .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
my heart longs for comfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Above all else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What can I do to feel better to make my
children better?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I take my eyes off
the Grace giver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I want
immediate relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And there’s a subtle
shift in my heart that I don’t even realize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And what happens is that anyone and anything causing any
kind of discomfort or discord becomes an enemy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Out to sabotage my mission.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
quest for relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so all kinds of
darkness seep in and entangle and though my body starts to feel better…my heart
is a mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I feel it and know it and
I grieve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grace is the antidote to all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And It begins with humility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A heart that confesses its absolute dependence
on God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Self…seen in true light and Glory’s
shadow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And life and passion and strength come thru
belief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I believe He is good and
working and loves me and is redeeming and restoring and saving… peace is present
and hope abundant and Grace is blossoming joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even in the black grueling nights of the soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because He says that “you will know the
truth, and the truth will set you free” -John 8:32.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am not all-knowing or even probably a-little-bit-a-knowing
compared to the vast knowledge of a Sovereign God. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I wear myself out with all the fear and
angst and indignation I romance through my desire to control and command.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But Sweet Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come
heal my broken heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wash away the
filth and the grime and harvest life and fruit and beauty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgive my lack of trust in Your precious
love and faithfulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May I seek You above all else…as all else will
fail me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me drink Your living water
for you say “whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be
thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of
water welling up to eternal life”-John 4:14.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Freedom.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Your Prayers:</div>
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<br /></div>
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Thankful that your prayers were answered!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That they did finally have a correct
diagnosis for his rash and that he is being treated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May take up to 4 weeks for complete relief and
he still has to put the cream on one more time so please pray for a less severe
reaction this next time around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as
scabies is very contagious, that there is no recurrence due to any other individuals
affected by the mite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-36585572904523152012013-02-22T11:53:00.004-08:002013-02-22T11:58:41.004-08:00Not What I Was Expecting...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><b>“I ended my first book with the words <i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">no answer</span></i>. I know now, Lord,
why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your
face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only
words, words; to be led out to battle against other words." -C.S. Lewis,<i> Till We Have Faces</i></b></div>
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<b>“But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and
you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Isaiah 64:8</b> </div>
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I told my girl this morning how beautiful she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Curlers wrapped in brown locks fastened to
her head for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wore a
pretty dress and tights with laced up ribbon boots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A mint green button down sweater completed
this little woman in the making.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She is a fair princess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I tell her that all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I also tell her that her beauty was given to her by God for
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I fear her value being wrapped up in something
our society exalts and exploits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tell
her what He’s really after is her heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we were in the thick of the investigation and were
wiped out financially and Rick’s reputation was tainted…all seemed lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People were taking advantage of Rick’s plight
by having him work for them, because they knew he was good at what he did and
he was trying to make things right, and then when he’d bring in business they
would make excuses as to why they couldn’t pay him or “get involved”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then one company who seemed to embrace
and support him, after Rick had disclosed everything, brought him on for 2
years and right when his business started thriving <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>let him go because supposedly one of the
owners “didn’t know” his circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It felt like one injustice after another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild
and he was getting beaten down and taken advantage of over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I kept asking God, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">what
is your purpose</b> in all of this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
are we to do with this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was praying all
would not be in vain…that good would come from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the deepest parts of our hearts we long for redemption of
our pain, our mistakes, our brokenness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day I was reading a devotional called “Streams in the
Desert” that a dear friend had given me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And this is what it said:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>"It is good for me that I
have been afflicted" (Ps. 119:71)</i>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
It is a remarkable circumstance that the most brilliant colors of plants
are to be seen on the highest mountains, in spots that are most exposed to the
wildest weather. The brightest lichens and mosses, the loveliest gems of wild
flowers, abound far up on the bleak, storm-scalped peak.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
One of the richest displays of organic coloring I ever beheld was near
the summit of Mount Chenebettaz, a hill about 10,000 feet high, immediately
above the great St. Bernard Hospice. The whole face of an extensive rock was
covered with a most vivid yellow lichen which shone in the sunshine like the
golden battlement of an enchanted castle.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
There, in that lofty region, amid the most frowning desolation, exposed
to the fiercest tempest of the sky, this lichen exhibited a glory of color such
as it never showed in the sheltered valley. I have two specimens of the same
lichen before me while I write these lines, one from the great St. Bernard, and
the other from the wall of a Scottish castle, deeply embossed among sycamore
trees; and the difference in point of form and coloring between them is most
striking.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
The specimen nurtured amid the wild storms of the mountain peak is of a
lovely primrose hue, and is smooth in texture and complete in outline, while
the specimen nurtured amid the soft airs and the delicate showers of the
lowland valley is of a dim rusty hue, and is scurfy in texture, and broken in
outline.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
And is it not so with the Christian who is afflicted, tempest-tossed, and
not comforted? Till the storms and vicissitudes of God's providence beat upon
him again and again, his character appears marred and clouded; but trials clear
away the obscurity, perfect the outlines of his disposition, and give
brightness and blessing to his life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Clarity. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The most brilliant
flowers flourish on the highest peaks. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amidst
extreme weather and thin air. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where most
people will never see them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of the
most beautiful places in the world hidden to the human eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What’s the purpose</b>?…the Lord answered
my question…but it was not what I was expecting.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The joy in making those flowers come into their beauty and
when they do is all for the glory of their Creator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">That
is the purpose</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For His glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so I thought of my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the deepest part of my being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where only He can see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my story and our circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Storms raging wild and arid desert lands all
beating down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walls of pride and
arrogance and ingratitude and self-sufficiency crumbling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Driving me inward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The question is</b>...”how am I
going to respond to Him?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Shall we accept good from God, and not
trouble?"Job 2:10</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">that is the purpose</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is after at my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The week after we visited Rick and I had come home heavy
hearted…I went into a quiet dark space in my house where tears could spill over
at the foot of the cross.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s here
where He gently reminded me of this truth. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“This journey you are on…it’s not about what
you perceive…it’s about Me and you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
about you trusting Me and letting Me shape you and coming to Me with your pain
and letting Me work thru you and depending on Me for everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s about a relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With Me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All these circumstances are here to bring you closer to Me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because in the end…when you’ve let Me in…when
you’ve laid down your will and trusted in My Love for you and that I will never
forsake you and I am here to free you and help you and do a good work in
you…everything will change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your life,
your relationships, your heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All for
the better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For your good and my Glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter what the circumstances are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quit
trying to be strong and comparing yourself to other people who you “perceive”
doing it better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because it’s not about
what you do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s about who you are in
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So come to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyday, every hour, every moment. I will carry you thru.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so when those why questions haunt and churn up
angst… I picture the flowers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And their
affliction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blooming glory for their Maker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Prayers</b>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please pray
for Rick’s health and that God would provide whatever medication he needs for
His heart condition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is still only
getting one and his doctor here had prescribed him about 6.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pray that his itching would be resolved or alleviated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyone with Southwest Airline passes or who knows someone who has any extra and would like to donate them to our family would be greatly appreciated!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please pray for God’s financial provision for our family and
for me to trust Him in this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that He
will provide for us to get to go see Rick because this is a significant
expense.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For my kids and their hearts and for health in our
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have 10 people living here and
6 are kids and all 3 of my children sleep in my room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Can you say petri dish??? :)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And for my grandmother’s health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please pray for her and our family’s peace as
she is facing many unknowns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-60281115582341519392013-02-13T13:29:00.000-08:002013-02-13T15:21:50.105-08:00I Almost Didn't Go...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span class="arial14">"</span></b><span class="arial14"><b>It is quite useless knocking at the door of heaven for earthly comfort. It's not the sort of comfort they supply there." -C.S. Lewis</b></span></div>
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<br />
<h1 class="quoteText">
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I almost didn’t go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>7
o’clock is a late hour when you start your day at 4:15am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the time of day where kids are bathing
and winding down and mom is counting down the clock to 8pm bedtime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had even lain down with my daughter at her
naptime so I would be rested and ready, because I knew that I would take any
excuse as why it would be better for me to stay home and go to bed and not keep
my kids out so late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then of course I
woke up with a nap hangover, even sleepier than before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t want to appear weak or incapable or in need…I want to be a
supermom and wife and be strong with unwavering perseverance as we walk through
this difficult season…on my own... I am a glory thief. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a lot of fear of exposing deep ugly parts of a messy
heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I’ll be judged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But more than any of that…I want to walk in
freedom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I need <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">real strength</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">peace that passes all understanding</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know there is only One who can abundantly
give these things and satisfy an aching weary soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
when I’m searching for comforts and control in creation rather than from the
Creator, shame and defeat shackle my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>White flag raised...I can’t do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I knew I had to go…and He was calling me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Come…let Me bless you…hear My story of
redemption and hope shared through the lives of the broken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come lay down your burdened heart…and I will
give you rest.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so I loaded up the kids, heart fearful yet hopeful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To a place where the broken meet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This journey has been a lot harder than I thought it would
be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am learning that if I rely on my
own strength to make it thru each day I become a crumbling mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was telling my son, Saxon, that I had been
praying for God’s comfort and that He would help me not run to candies of
“instant gratification” or “escapism” like food or wine or television or the
computer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That He would comfort me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my son, so wise beyond his years, asks “why
don’t you let your friends comfort you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was as if the Lord just spoke Truth right thru this little 8 year olds
breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because community…the body of
Christ…is a beautiful place where the Lord comforts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I think sometimes I shy away from
community because I don’t want to be “needy” and “burdensome” and I know other
people have their problems and mine really aren’t going away and I
don’t want to be the person that keeps on needing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keeps on hurting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keeps on struggling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that is EXACTLY where the Lord has me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you know what He says about it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="woj">“Blessed
are the poor in spirit,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup>4 </sup>Blessed are those who mourn,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will be comforted.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup>5 </sup>Blessed are the meek,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will inherit the earth.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup>6 </sup>Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for
righteousness,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will be filled.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup>7 </sup>Blessed are the merciful,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will be shown mercy.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup>8 </sup>Blessed are the pure in heart,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will see God.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup>9 </sup>Blessed are the peacemakers,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
they will be called children of God.</span><br />
<span class="woj"><sup>10 </sup>Blessed are those who are persecuted because
of righteousness,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="woj">for
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="woj">Matthew
5:3-10</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="woj">He says that when we surrender our pride and
confess our need and mourn our sin and seek Him, we are BLESSED!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I have to say that I have been blessed
beyond anything I ever imagined in these last 5 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By so many people who have sent us gift after
gift and paid our bills and sent encouraging letters and emails and prayers and
taking care of our kids and moving into our house and contributing to our
travel arrangements to see Rick and loving us well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A testament of His Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of His goodness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of His love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="woj">So we arrived at our church that has a
program called “Steps”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I am so
glad they came.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other broken
spirited souls who have sought out community and rallied around each other and
shared their stories of hurt and infidelity and addiction and incredible loss
and sickness and anger bondage and ravaging pride and painful abuse and broken families
and so much more…and how the Lord redeems and heals and sets free and gives
grace and joy to these “needy” people…</span> and it was all I needed to hear
to know that I was right where I was suppose to be.<span class="woj"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To hear the Gospel through their stories was
sweet medicine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I saw strength and
joy and freedom that these cross clingers wore like a glorious medal bestowed
from the bloody battlefields of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And they were blessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they
were a blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To all the other weary hearts who were there
for Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Comfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be blessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>His grace covers all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>ALL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is no sin too big or darkness too black that His grace cannot
redeem.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m glad I have a place to go every week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially after our visits with Rick.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the hardest parts of visiting Rick with the kids is
that it amplifies that he’s not here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
get used to him not being here after time passes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when we visit him and we are all there
together as a family and the dynamic is whole…his absence is amplified in the
leaving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve heard the word “amputation” used when describing a
divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was 9 my parents ended
their marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember it being
painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember crying and being sad
that they wouldn’t be together anymore and my dad would be living somewhere
else...alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what I remember most
is how hard it was to go and see my dad and then how hard it was to leave
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until finally after a couple of
years of doing this over and over again, every other weekend, and one month in
the summer…I stopped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was simply too
painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I didn’t really know how to
sort out those feelings or articulate what it was at the time that made me not
want to go and see him, but now I understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It just ripped the heart right open and I wanted the bleeding to stop. This sort of feels like that. Each visit reopens the wound. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last weekend we headed for Big Spring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mom and stepdad went too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was glad to have them there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially for moral support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We left on Friday after school and drove the
long stretch of flat dusty highways and rugged landscapes littered with rocks and cotton and bushes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then about
an hour outside of Big Spring, there were miles and miles of tall white
spinning blades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Converting wind to
electricity<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids played their electronics and watched
movies and were excited to arrive at our weekend home. And to be in the arms of their much loved daddy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was hoping Big Spring would kinda start to grow on
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I woke up the first night at 3am to a fire
alarm malfunctioning at the hotel and the second night to the foul stench of
natural gas that had settled like a fog over the town, seeping into our hotel
rooms, a gift of the large oil refinery up the way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My kids don’t even like the food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And its Wendy’s… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We did find one
hidden gem the last night we were there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>An old 1931 hotel recently restored.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Historic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And an amazing restaurant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
the whole town was there too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then all the labored travels with 3 kids leads up a road of
crumbling building decay to a crowded room with rules placed on hugs and kisses
and sitting positions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sitting for hours
on end in hard plastic back chairs eating lunch out of a vending machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A delicacy to Rick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The burgers that come out of that machine are
gourmet compared to the food they serve the prisoners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is always good to see him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids seemed more at ease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arista must have felt more comfortable
because she threw a couple of her crazy temper tantrums.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully they did not terminate our visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids played dominos and memory and Rick
did card tricks for them which they marveled at.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a lot of good laughs and shared
stories and made dreams of what we will do when he comes home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His heart is so sweet and resolved to focus
on the good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And in a place of hardened hearts, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Rick is determined not to succumb to the prison
plague. But it is a daily struggle considering the circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being away from his family and loved
ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Itching like crazy due to the
harsh detergents that they use and they haven't given him medicine for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not
getting life sustaining drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being yelled
at by various correctional officers who find joy in exerting power and spewing
hate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living in that dusty smelly town
where pollens are abundant and an oil refinery pollutes the air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are no couches to sit on or places of
respite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The food they eat is labeled
“institutional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not fit for human
consumption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inmates only.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of it is well beyond the expiration
date, canned and of little nutritional value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It hurts to see someone you love being treated like
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not being taken care of
properly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Frustrated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Trapped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me so sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And sad that I never even considered a
prisoner’s plight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I probably even
thought they deserved it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the Lord’s
sweet grace has opened my eyes to His wayward people that He loves and
treasures and I am so grateful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s
grown compassion right deep in the trenches of my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So maybe I can be a part of His work in caring for the lost and broken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To offer hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To share His
love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be the blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span class="woj"><sup>34 </sup>“Then the King will say to
those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your
inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.</span>
<span class="woj"><sup>35 </sup>For I was hungry and you gave me something
to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and
you invited me in,</span> <span class="woj"><sup>36 </sup>I needed clothes
and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you
came to visit me.’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span class="woj"><sup>37 </sup>“Then the righteous will
answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give
you something to drink?</span> <span class="woj"><sup>38 </sup>When did we
see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?</span>
<span class="woj"><sup>39 </sup>When did we see you sick or in prison and go
to visit you?’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span class="woj"><sup>40 </sup>“The King will reply,
‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and
sisters of mine, you did for me.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>-Matthew 25:34-40</span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-3565273256963151042013-01-31T11:53:00.001-08:002013-02-01T05:58:55.719-08:00And then there's...the fleas<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday
epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we
experience life and the world.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Sarah
Ban Breathnach</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“Out of the darkness of the cross, the world transfigures
into new life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And there is no other
way.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Ann Voskamp</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“He who calls you is faithful” 1 Thessalonians 5:24</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Out of the pit and into the light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Prayers of the saints carry the weary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A renewed strength.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eyes on the Grace Giver…Soul Saver…Kinsmen
Redeemer… keeps all else in check.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
it’s here that I realize who I am and where my hope lies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I am broken and busted up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That no matter how hard I try to fix and
change and organize and carry the self-sufficient torch to triumph, the light
snuffs out with the smallest gust of wind. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wrecked, I abandon all hope in myself…which
proves to be the safest most beautiful place where peace clears the angst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I can finally give over the burden of
expectation to the One sweetly waiting to take it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whose light will show me the way and whose torch
cannot be extinguished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because He is faithful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He has walked close and carried our tender hearts and “taken account of
our wanderings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has put our tears in
His bottle –Psalm 56:8”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flames raging
all around, but we are not on fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because the Lord is with us walking in the blazing furnace, protecting and
loving us (Daniel 3).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flames only to
purify and burn away dross that hinders hearts from living fully alive in
Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Corrie Tem Boon in her book The Hiding Place has been
teaching me so much about grace and suffering and purpose and joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and her sister have been taken to a concentration
camp in the heart of Germany where the atrocity is almost too much to
bear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They ask how can they get thru
this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And God had just given them their
answer that morning as they had read their daily Bible reading (1 Thess
5:11-18) to hundreds of women in their barracks that was designed for 400 and
held 1400.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can. You. Imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The conditions were appalling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“Comfort the frightened, help the weak, be
patient with everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See that none of
us repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to
all…’” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Go
on, “said Betsie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“That wasn’t all.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“Oh yes:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>‘…to one another and to all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for
this is the will of God in Christ Jesus”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“That’s it, Corrie!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s His answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Give thanks in all circumstances!’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what we can do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We start right now to thank God for every
single thing about this new barracks!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
I stared at her, then around me at the
dark, foul-aired room. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“Such as?” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“Such as being assigned here together.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
I bit my lip. “Oh yes, Lord Jesus!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“Such as what you’re holding in your
hands.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
I looked down at the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Yes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thank You, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered
here!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for all the women here
in this room who will meet You in these pages. “ </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“Yes,”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>said Betsie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Thank You for the
very crowding here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since we’re packed
so close, that many more will hear!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
looked at me expectantly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Corrie!” she
prodded.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“Oh, all right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank You for the jammed, crammed, stuffed,
packed, suffocating crowds.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“Thank You,” Betsie went on serenely, “for
the fleas and for—“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
The fleas!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Betsie,
there’s no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
“’Give thanks in all circumstances,’” she
quoted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t say ‘in pleasant
circumstances.’ Fleas are a part of this place where God has put us.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 0in;">
And so we stood between the piers of bunks
and gave thanks for the fleas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this
time I was sure Betsie was wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few pages later in
the book, God shows Corrie how He had used the fleas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever they would hold their “worship”
services in the barracks, reading the Bible, praying, singing softly as the
Word of God was passed around in Dutch, German, French, Polish, Russian and
Czech.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The guards would never enter
their room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Corrie couldn’t figure it
out since they were always in every other aspect of these prisoners’ daily
affairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come to find out, it was the
fleas!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They wouldn’t step foot in the
barracks because they wanted to avoid the fleas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so God had shown Corrie how even the
fleas had a role in bringing Hope and Truth and Saving Grace into this
hellacious place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This book has taught me much and touched me deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The miracles they witnessed and the
perseverance and suffering for the Gospel is like nothing that I have ever
heard or seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so thankful for
their lives and their story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are
fighting for joy and love and hope in the wake of insurmountable evil and
suffering. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what beauty was birthed
from the darkness has rippled fierce and far. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God has our family here for a reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is His story. We have been placed in the company of a group of people that are often lost and forgotten and
discarded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An amazing chance to bring good
news of hope and salvation and redemption to hurting souls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>” For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” -Luke 19:10.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a relentless pursuer of the rebel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Shepherd</span> to the lost sheep who wander
far from His love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is our great
Redeemer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He restores, renews, and heals
bleeding hearts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need Him so desperately and sometimes it takes
desperately horrible circumstances for us to finally see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And even that is a great mercy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For if He is all that our heart needs and
longs for and nothing else on earth could ever satisfy, how good could He be if
He let us go on our merry way thinking that the fleeting dying things in this
life are IT?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last weekend I went to see Rick by myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been a very long time since we have had
that much time together without any interruptions and just being able to enjoy each
other and talk and laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The large
visiting room was crowded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He only
knew probably half of the inmates that were in there visiting with their family
and friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He went around the room and
shared story after story of these men and what he knew of their lives and
families and hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much brokenness
and sorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of them have been in
for years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Serving out the remainder of
a 20 year or more sentence in the camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
can only be in the camp if you have less than 10 years to serve, so many have
been transferred from higher level security prisons to this place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the things Rick was telling me is that
they long for pen pals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is their
only way of really communicating with the outside world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pen pals…hmmm…a seed of a thought planted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Their marriages are falling apart because they don’t have
money to call their wives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their
families can’t afford to travel to see them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They have little to no contact with the outside world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their treatment inside the prison is of scum
of the earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hardening the hardened
criminal. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would it look like if
there was some kind of ministry like Compassion where people are assigned a
child who lives in poverty in other countries and you “sponsor” them and write
to them and pray for them and encourage them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What would it look like to start a prison ministry with something like that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just starting with pen pals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe putting a little money on their
commissary so they can call their wives and their children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To keep them connected to these relationships
so that when they get out they will have some support and stability.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the government is not really
interested in rehabilitation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their form
of treatment seems to be fear and force.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick was FINALLY seen by a doctor yesterday after over 2
weeks of waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He still isn’t getting
his meds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His bad cholesterol is back up
to super high levels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They say their
working on getting him the proper meds, so PLEASE PRAY for God’s swift hand in
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s been sick with a cold and
lost his voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he has been settling
into his routine and making friends and playing chess and cards and working
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His first job was cleaning the
front main lobby everyday where he whistled while he work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the warden thought his mopping skills were not up to par so he was fired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
will now be working in the green house planting tomatoes and other various
plants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like this job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s not so sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like that he will get to see new life
spring from dark dirty earth brought on by water and light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A sweet picture of redemption.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick is innovative and creative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s been trying to create and organize some
wellness and educational groups for the inmates that would stimulate minds and
hearts and could only be positive, but has been denied all efforts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, I am aghast at the lack of desire to
help these people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I read Ann Voskamp’s book A thousand Gifts a couple of years
ago and it was one of those eye opening heart changing books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was exactly about what Corrie and her
sister are doing in their darkest hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Giving thanks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it is a
discipline, especially in the overwhelming ugly circumstances, when it seems
like there is nothing to be thankful for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But as I began to start looking…I found that there were so many gifts
that I had never even seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A whole new
world of beauty and wonder all around that my thankless heart had been blind
to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as I began to name the gifts and
thank God for them, something changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My thoughts no longer tarried in the black tar sticky hopelessness that
clings and destroys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt free and
full.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Full of gratefulness to my sweet
Savior who loves me and gives good gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even in the dark painful pits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
had to name them to see them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to
look to discover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to hunt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For beauty all around, laboring to see in the
black bleak shattered spoils.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sweet
succulent splendor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And joyful songs of
praise sang my heart right out of despair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A thirst soul-garden being watered every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so much changed for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And although the pain is searing at times and
I fall hard and get banged up….God’s truth and miracle of giving thanks and
what it does to my heart, beckons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
so the fleas that infested the bed and home of these sister prisoners who were
there for helping save lives of the persecuted, reminded me again, that I can
be thankful in all things….ALL things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And God’s glory and grace will far surpass even the most horrific of
circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May we be able to live out 1Thessalonians 5:11-18 better
because of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because for Corrie and
Betsie, it all became real right in their darkest hour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those ancient words on tattered pages burned
right into the hearts of dying souls and changed everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the words are Living Hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saving Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“…all new life comes out of dark places, and hasn’t it
always been?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All new life labors out of
the very bowels of darkness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
fullest life itself dawns from nothing but Calvary darkness and tomb-cave black
into the radiance of Easter morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
is suffering that has the realest possibility to bear down and deliver
grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And grace that chooses to bear
the cross of suffering overcomes that suffering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Darkness transfigures into grace, empty
transfigures into full.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God wastes
nothing-‘makes everything work out according to his plan’ –Ephesians 1:11” –Ann
Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5850878669399914095.post-67965331309257294262013-01-23T10:17:00.003-08:002013-01-23T17:47:23.076-08:00Taking my eyes off the storm...and a word from the inside...
<b>“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” -Corrie Ten Boom</b><br />
<br />
<b>
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”
-Corrie Ten Boom</b><br />
<b>
</b><br />
<b>
"There are no if's in God's world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety." -Betsie Ten Boom </b><br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
As for our trip to Big Spring, seeing Rick for the first
time in a long time there in his new temporary home, and enjoying those rich
family moments where all of us were together, not doing anything extraordinary,
but how extraordinary it was to just be together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Laughing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Crying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next two weeks felt like a thick fog of
surging emotions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wild waves tossing
heart looking directly at the storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grey skies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chilled
air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heart heavy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feeling like I’m treading water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anxious and dismayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And some days the swells of sorrow drench
the soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when the weight seems to
crush and the light seems dim, I feel spent…powerless… parched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gripping fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mind stuck on the what if’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Consumed by reality of not being in control
and feeling like a mess of failure in the parenting department because I simply
cannot be their all and fix their brokenness and rescue them from the hurling
pain of life’s carnage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
New fears weigh heavy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He’s still not getting his proper medication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has to have his meds to keep his heart
healthy, but they literally could care less.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One day he started having an irregular heartbeat but there’s no one
there to monitor his condition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
tried calling his attorney who says there’s really not much we can do at this
point but bother them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s difficult to
get anyone on the phone at the prison and when I do, they just pass the
buck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had his medical records from
his cardiologist sent there for the doctor to review, but that hasn’t made a
dent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has some kind of rash on his
skin that some of the other inmates suffer from as well that itches like crazy
and he’s put in a “call” to be bee seen by the physician, but it could take
days if not weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has some new
unusual bruising on his legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can I
see through the darkness when all I see is disaster ahead?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if I know the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if I have any power over life and death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then there’s my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One of them is struggling with rushing through his work to get it turned
in first as if it’s a race and his grades are falling and I don’t know how to
teach an 8 year old to slow down, pay attention to detail, check over his work,
and use the tools his teacher has given him to get the answers right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not a matter of knowing the right answer,
because he does, it’s a matter of using the tools he’s been given and applying
them in the most important of times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Convicted…I’ve been wrought with fear and worry and feeling
sick that I can’t change or help or make these people give my husband his life
saving medication as if really that medication is the thing that will save his
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the reality is he is not
less safe at that place than he would be at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The good Lord holds his precious life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gives him breath and health and He
sustains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not the medication, the
circumstances, the doctors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet even
as this truth gleams clarity in my heart, there is a very large part of me that
has a hard time letting go of that need to control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet it holds me hostage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ironically I am not in control when I’m being
controlled by my fear and worries. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What good is fear?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The worried kind of fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dazed,
paralyzing, anguishing worry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All
sending a heart down deep into a pit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And here is where I’m like my son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even though I have the weapons to combat the dragon, I can’t pick up my
sword.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stunned at the beast I simply
look at the horror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And all the
overwhelming circumstances that seem bleak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I start to believe the lie that I can’t do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll fail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am failing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the day to
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Messes mounting by the second, wild
excitement with nerf swords swinging, an animal instinct to claim toys as one’s
own and to protect them at all costs, even if it entails violence, having to
remind over and over and over again to pick up clothes and brush teeth and
clean up plates and do homework.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does
anyone else have a hard time maintaining order in their home?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Or maybe my expectations are just unreasonable...</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Feeling weak and defeated and unable...at the end of myself…I
remember to PRAY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could I have been neglecting
my Life source for so long???<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
been too busy trying to do His job, a job much too big for me to handle, that I
didn’t even realize I’m sinking in the mess of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kinda like Peter when Jesus called him to
walk to Him on the water…</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
<span class="text">Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water
and came toward Jesus.</span> <span id="en-NIV-23628"><span class="text"><sup>30 </sup>But
when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord,
save me!”</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
<span id="en-NIV-23629"><span class="text"><sup>31 </sup>Immediately
Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. </span><span class="woj">“You of
little faith,”</span><span class="text"> he said, </span><span class="woj">“why did
you doubt?”</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 5.0pt; margin-left: .6in; margin-right: .6in; margin-top: 5.0pt;">
<span id="en-NIV-23630"><span class="text"><sup>32 </sup>And when they
climbed into the boat, the wind died down.</span></span> <span id="en-NIV-23631"><span class="text"><sup>33 </sup>Then those who were in the boat worshiped him,
saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span id="en-NIV-23631"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>~Matthew 14:29-33</span></div>
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I love how it says
immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peter cries out for help
and Jesus “immediately” reaches out to save him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I love how God shows us the follies of His
closest companions who walked the earth with Him in the flesh and witnessed miracles…they
too succumbed to fear in the presence of an ominous storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
constantly have to be reminded of that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For my feet want so desperately to plant themselves on safe ground and throw
my tent of comfort up and bury myself in a warm blanket and stay inside where
the elements won’t hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buy there is no
tent here and the path is wrought with pitfalls and unexpected turns and steep daunting
mountains and dark thick valleys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my
heart has to stay alert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eyes on the Light
so I can see where I’m going and take in my daily manna and cry out for my
Savior who will carry me through this storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And at the end of this chapter, I believe with all my heart that I
wouldn’t have had it any other way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because His work is good and beautiful and right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the things I decided to do this last week was pick up
a book about a book about a woman, a family who faced some of the most horrible
circumstances that have ever been known to man, the Holocaust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The book is called<u> </u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hiding-Place-Corrie-Ten-Boom/dp/0800794052/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1358964654&sr=1-1&keywords=the+hiding+place+by+corrie+ten+boom" target="_blank"><b><u><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The Hiding Place</span> </u>by Corrie Ten Boom</b></a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are gold medal winners when it comes to
suffering and living out the gospel and I wanted to see what that looked like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Be
still my soul.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so humbled by
their faith and love and courage and sacrifice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They were part of an operation in Holland that saved thousands of Jews
from extermination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a few of the
members of the Ten Boom family paid the ultimate price for relentlessly helping
these persecuted souls and loving them well and serving them well and it has
shredded my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something so horrible
did not deter their fight for joy and their faith in God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“There
is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Corrie Ten Boom<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her life and ministry went on to greatly impact the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the Glory of God and for the
good of so many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the Lord has
graciously begun to show me where he is at work on the inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are two letters I have received from
inmates that have been in prison with Rick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">First letter:</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s January 16<sup>th</sup> and I have another court
hearing tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, still in Pod
#3!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After you left, the pod turned over
so there are all new people here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>S
finally went to the hole and is in pod #6 now so it is much quieter in here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason why I wrote is to say thank you to
you and your family for all that you did for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also wanted to tell you that I finally
started reading my Bible with G, LD, and Mr.S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have Bible study each day after lunch and I have now read the New
Testament at least 3 times and am still trying to get through the Old
Testament.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mr. S caught chain the first
week of December and should be home by now and LD got rolled out about a week ago
and is in Pod#6 with S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So you might be
surprised to hear that G and I have kept the Bible study going and the prayer
call at night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have reaffirmed my
relationship with God and feel great!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thank you again for that also.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Watching you, LD, G, and Al study the word somehow got me to reading my
Bible as opposed to just using it as a Prison address book and it has changed
my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I get ready for court
tomorrow I can honestly say that I have very little worries about the outcome
and just look forward to each day God gives to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can still take probation and walk out of
here any day or two years at the state prison and be out within a month on parole,
but God has not told me to do that yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have been blessed with mail from my ex wife and photo’s of my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope this letter finds you blessed and in
good spirits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, one more time, many
thanks to you, your spouse, and your sister for contacting my family and making
it possible for me to contact my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>God Bless you all and I hope you are home with them soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Portion of Second
Letter (this was to me):</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick is a great guy all around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I was in jail my wife didn't have much
money to send me while I was in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rick
never let me go without anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
would share food with me when I was out; he even gave me a phone card once to
call my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn't have the luxury
of calling my wife everyday and he made that possible with the phone card he
gave me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn't seem like much
probably, but inside things like that are huge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He would even give me coffee and have me hand it to others who didn't
have any. His condition of giving me the coffee was to share it, and not tell
anyone I got it from him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Super nice
guy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn't talk to many of the other
inmates while I was in, but I hung out with Rick all I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are both from Florida by the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also let me read the blogs you sent him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tonight I will read all the blogs you have
written and get updated on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess
he finally left Denton? I also want to stay in touch because I told him I
would. In jail you tell people you will stay in touch but in reality you
don't.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to say I'm any better than
the other inmates but the majority of them aren't going to change their lives,
and I don't want to associate with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know Rick is a good guy so he is the only one I have decided to stay
in contact with.<span class="textexposedshow"></span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02070620532623927892noreply@blogger.com1