She was Only 12

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. -Psalm 90:12

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever.  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.  For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.  -Lamentations 3:31-33

“There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still.”
― Corrie ten Boom

It was a beautiful service in so many ways.  Bright pink colored T-shirts with the words “Sydney’s Sweets” were worn by many who had rallied to raise money for her cause.  Memories brandished tables with pictures and her favorite things all telling the story of her young life.   Biking and skiing and boating and swimming with dolphins and playing with her brother and going to concerts with friends and lying asleep on her daddy and making silly faces with her mom and playing with her new puppy who loved her so.  A beautiful life.  Taken away much too young….for she was only 12.  

I remember the day her mom came over to tell me that something was wrong.  It was last year with less than two weeks of school left till the much anticipated summer break.  I was blow drying my wet hair, which I do in sections, and my youngest son came in to tell me someone was knocking on the door and wouldn’t go away.  I told him that I was busy, because I couldn’t stop blow drying my hair halfway through or it would frizz.  Priorities, right?

But he seemed a bit anxious and concerned so I stepped around the corner encountering the assiduous knock and rushed to the door.  It was my neighbor dressed in her daily workout fashion with her sister and they both came in and her sister quickly escorted my kids into the other room.

“Sydney has cancer” were the first words out of her mouth.  “It is bad, really bad.  It’s in her brain and spine and the prognosis is grave.”  I was absolutely stunned…I felt the air sucked right out as life’s mortality plunged a knife through my heart.   

I have taken this little girl home for the past couple of years from school and gotten to know her and her little brother has been one of my son’s close buddies.  She has been over to my house swimming and eating ice cream and playing with Arista when she was a baby.  She is the sweetest, most polite, gentle little girl that I’ve ever met.  Long wavy brown hair tumbling down her back with big brown beautiful eyes bursting with life.  Always said please.  Always said thank you.  Always looking for a way to make you smile.  

How could this be?  How, Lord?  How could this happen?  The next words my sweet friend said was, “I am about to go through something that no parent should ever have to go through.”   Tears filled my eyes as the reality sank in, but she wouldn’t have it.  She said we all had to be strong for her daughter.  To fight for her.  To believe.  

Sydney fought for her life for 13 months.  I didn’t see much of her in person.  I respectfully kept my distance and stayed on my knees.  Every day.  Pleading with the Lord to heal her body.  Pleading with the Lord to cover their family in Grace.  Pleading for good to come from the horrific suffering that this family was walking through.  Pleading for God to show Himself.  For anger and bitterness and despair to not have their way.  And for the “peace that passes all understanding” to fill their hearts so they would be comforted.

Her dad posted updates on their Caringbridge website…a page we all hope we never have to have.  He posted pictures of her when she was little and current pictures of her as she was going through treatment.    The tumor robbed the left side of her body of its functions and the steroids gave her a rash and caused her face to swell.  The radiation and chemo took her beautiful locks of hair, but she always mustered up a smile for the camera.  And she persevered.  

I cannot imagine being 12 and having to go through something so devastating.  And the thing that breaks my heart into a million pieces is the fact that she never complained.   She kept telling her parents how sorry she was that she was putting them through this.  An amazingly sensitive soul at such a young age enduring suffering with dignity and grace.  Incredibly convicting…and unbelievingly inspiring…

Right before Rick left, my friend came over so we could talk about the next year in carpooling and the turn that had taken in our own life.  Rick, in true “Rick” fashion, asked her a lot about how she was coping and surviving and what it was like to walk that road.  I remember her answer kinda just blew me away.  “You just have to keep living life.  I could either rock myself in a corner, or get up and do what I gotta do.  We take it one day at a time.”  

And isn’t that really what we all have?  One day at a time.  We don’t hold the future…we don’t hold the past.  We can only live in the moments that are gifted to us by the Author of Life.   And maybe that’s where He is. In these present moments.   Maybe that’s where the Grace that covers the horrors and brokenness and grief and loss stands waiting.  In abounding love and blessings.  To heal our wounds and bind up our broken hearts and satisfy the deepest chasms of longing that entomb our pain.   

People say that my neighbor is “one strong lady”.  But the word strong…what does it mean to be strong?  Because I suspect that she probably didn’t feel strong as her world was falling apart.  I can’t imagine that you would if you had a child being ravaged by a menacing disease and there was nothing you could do to fix it.

She was determined.  She was courageous.  And she is a fighter.  All choices she made…one day at a time…to live the last days of her daughter’s life with all that she had.  Their family traveled all over the country swimming with dolphins in Hawaii and going to New York City and Seattle and skiing in Colorado and all kinds of other adventures filling their hearts with memories and meaning that they will carry with them until the end of their days.  They have loved their daughter with a fierce and sacrificial love and it has been beautiful to watch.  

We all want to believe that we could get through it.  We all want to believe that the things that happen to us in life are not the things that define us…they are the things that shape us.  It was heartbreaking to watch this young and beautiful life, not only taken so young, but suffer with such a wretched illness.  But even as it deprived her of every ounce of physical life…it never took her sweet spirit...  

So when life has smashed your dreams into pieces and taken away precious gifts that have brought joy and when your family falls apart and you find yourself in financial disaster…when your own decisions have led you into a dark corner of calamity and when you feel lost and afraid and out of control…what do you do?  How do you recover?

Living “one day at a time”.  In the present of His presence.  In His Grace that carries us through.  And sowing our tears into the heart of a Savior who redeems, restores, and heals up all those bleeding heart wounds creating new life.  

⁵ Those who sow with tears
    will reap with songs of joy.
⁶ Those who go out weeping,
    carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
    carrying sheaves with them. –Psalm 126:5-6

For one day… “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true. ” –Revelations 21:4-5

Goodbye, sweet Sydney.  You have have been a blessing to so many.  May the Lord continue to bless others through your life and your story.  And I pray that one day...we'll meet again...